Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity?
As an introvert my home is my sanctuary, and it got me thinking about space and ambiance and I found myself asking the question: Does it really matter?
With the weather definitely turning more autumnal, my favourite space for recharging is definitely curled up in front of a roaring fire surrounded by candlelight. However, since I have been working with my coach Sheryl Andrews, I have started to explore what else about that space makes it my favourite place. Continue reading Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity?
I Will Never Do It, It’s Too Hard
One of the many things I love about the Women’s Business Club is the monthly speakers and this month did not fail.
Lynda Taverner from Raindancers joined us to talk about ‘Believe’. In front of each of us we had been given a card with statements that many of Lynda’s clients say. Things like:
“I will never do it, it’s too hard” or “Why can’t I do it as well as my friend” Continue reading I Will Never Do It, It’s Too Hard
How To Conquer The Time Monster?
One of the most common causes for overwhelm is the fear of not having enough time. It can create this massive monster in our mind and before we know it all we ever seem to say is “I don’t have time.”
Our thinking can become consumed with how little time we have rather than with productive and effective thinking about how we can maximise the time we have.
Time in my experience is not the problem and it is more our perception of time in relation to our desired outcomes that is the culprit.
When we lack clarity of what we want, why we want it, what works for us and how long it will take we often get consumed with indecision and procrastination quickly follows. That can often mean we don’t have any sense of progress because it feels like nothing has been achieved and so the spiral of the time monster continues. Continue reading How To Conquer The Time Monster?
A Year To Love My Body
One of the 7 steps to clarity is T – Trust.
Trust your own process and take your own advice
Since writing my book I have been forced, to be so much more aware of my own process and the advice I give others. I now proactively stop and listen to my own wisdom with the aim to take that advice myself.
Instead of projecting my wisdom on others with words and instructions, I aim to embed it, embrace it and be it.
In this weeks Motivational Monday I talk about my reflections on a question that took me 6 years to answer: Continue reading A Year To Love My Body
How To Make Your Dreams A Reality?
Today I want to share my process to make things happen.
Over the years I have been known for my motivation and my ability to inspire change in others.
So what does it take to make something happen? Below is my process and the video to one of my recent Live Training sessions in the Manage Your Critic Group which has been getting some great reviews.
Why Planning Doesn’t Work Without Reflection?
It is purely focused on the future and yet in every moment we are experiencing present, past and future.
Besides the future is over there, in the distance and often means you are working towards something. As the saying goes “tomorrow never comes” Continue reading Why Planning Doesn’t Work Without Reflection?
Honesty Is A Lie
51 days until I am 50
Yes I ate cake yesterday. No I don’t feel bad. No I didn’t lose weight today. What you probably don’t want to know even though it is the truth is the ins and outs of my decision making process yesterday and why I don’t feel guilty or why I know I will lose weight this week. Or maybe you do?
On a whole other level of honesty, you probably don’t want to know but I am going to tell you anyway. One of the reasons I think I didn’t lose weight today is because I got weighed earlier due to commitments today so it was before my ‘normal morning bathroom routine’ Yes I know too much information for some – but fact and quite relevant I think too.
How Honest Do You Want Me To Be? Continue reading Honesty Is A Lie
No One Should be Too Scared To Ask For Help…
This years charity campaign ends 2nd Dec 2017 on the anniversary of the launch of my book “Manage Your Critic”. I really didn’t like admitting that I had, in someway failed and yet when I did reach out and ask for help – the magic started to happen.
What Happens In Spain Stays In Spain..I Don’t Think So!!
Each lady talked, and everyone listened intently and then something happened. It is hard to describe but there was that moment when everyone seemed to consciously aware of what had been achieved. 4 books with the wisdom of these 4 woman had been developed and shared and in doing so a connection hard to describe had been made. What followed was moments of true joy represented with both tears and hysterical laughter. Continue reading What Happens In Spain Stays In Spain..I Don’t Think So!!
How to Take The Drama Out Of Your Communications?
My aim in this article is to help you:
- Recognise when you are in the drama triangle
- Reassure you that you are not alone
- Resource you to get out of it.
What is a Drama?
Drama is when you spend more time talking about someone rather than talking to them. Drama is when your insides feel permanently in a knot or your head is clouded and unable to communicate what you truly want. Drama is whenever you do speak it is misunderstood, misinterpreted and it causes conflict. Of Course their are many other examples but hopefully you get the idea.
The Drama Triangle
The drama triangle is a psychological and social model of human interaction in transactional analysis (TA) first described by Stephen Karpman, in his 1968 article “Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis”. Below is an explanation from Caitlin Walker and Sarah Nixon’s one year self coaching diaries and if you want to find out more I highly recommend the book From Contempt to Curiosity
The Ego States
You may blame or PERSECUTE someone else, from this position you are likely to believe it is the other person that has to change. You are likely to look for evidence to prove your point. You are likely to ignore any evidence that contradicts your point. You may be shouting and clearly angry. You may be calm or even smiling. You will be pointing out that someone else is in the wrong. You will be unlikely to be taking any personal responsibility for change.
This is when you believe and we do truly believe in the moment our happiness or success or the lack of it is someone else’s fault. You will hear things like:
- If they just did ……….everything would be okay
- If they were motivated we would all be happy then…
- If they were not so idle, rude disrespectful then…
A different ‘Drama’ role is that of VICTIM, from this position you are likely to believe you are powerless. You are likely to look for evidence to prove your point and again, you are likely to ignore any evidence that contradicts your point. You may be shouting and clearly angry. You may be calm or even smiling. You will be pointing out that someone else is in the wrong. You will be unlikely to be taking any personal responsibility for change.
You might hear:
- Is it just me that can think for myself
- It seems like it is only me they can’t get on with
- I have worked so hard and given so much how come they don’t appreciate it
Another and often deceptive ‘Drama’ role is that of RESCUER, from this position you are likely to believe you are helping everyone else. You are likely to look for evidence that you have to keep doing what you are doing.
You are likely to ignore any evidence that you are maintaining a problem. You are likely to train other people to behave like victims or to dis-empower them. You are likely to pacify persecutors and build up latent anger towards them. You are likely to burn out as what you do is unsustainable.
You might hear:
- If they are not going to do it well enough I will have to do it myself
- I have to do that or they will feel left out
- Can I suggest you do…
Do you recognise yourself yet? Do you recognise someone you know?
I promise you, you are not alone and if you can spot someone else in the drama triangle then it is very likely that you are there with them too. Perhaps as persecutor because you think they have to change not you??(Just a thought)
Many businesses are stuck in drama right now. Many personal relationships fall apart because they end up in drama and of course everyone is someone else’s difficult person.
First Step, is to recognise when you are communicating with others from one of those ego states. You can share this with a trusted friend and ask them to notice if they think you are communicating from drama. You can also observe your own language and be mindful of your intention.
You can practice here by reading these statements and determining where in the drama triangle you think the person is:
- If you they were a good employee they would make time for follow up
- They just want to be paid for nothing
- They want their cake and eat it
- They don’t appreciate me
- They don’t have the same pressures as I do
- I have to come up with all the solutions and ideas, no one else ever contributes
- I have to do it because they won’t get round to it
- I have to do it because they will get stressed otherwise
- I have to do it because they are not skilled enough yet
Can you recognise Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer now?
How to get out of drama?
- Get really clear what you would like to have happen. Ensure your language is solution focused. It is what you want not what you don’t want
- Have confidence in asking for what you want and need
- Develop compassion and understanding for the difference between what is said and what is heard and give evidence based feedback
If you want to know more about ‘how’ to get out drama check my video: “How to do, delegate or ditch with confidence?” where I share 3 communication tools that can help you take the drama out of your communications.
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening is well known for her fast speaking and highly motivational passion. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met despite the fact she could and would encourage everyone else to do exactly that. A series of 3 events in her personal life forced her to stop and learn how to take her own advice.
Today Sheryl runs retreats and one to one sessions resourcing you to do more of what you love, delegate or learn how to do what you don’t and ditch the critic that says you can’t. Sharing a communication tool kit and collaboration tool kit that will transform the way you think, feel and understand those around you. Sheryl and her team will be your strength and solution detective whilst you train your inner critic and those that around you to listen in a way that motivates and inspires you.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648