David Spencer – Case Study – A Gob Smack Moment
David Spencer – Business Development Manager
DR Communications
What was happening before Step by Step Listening?
Having heard about Step by step listening and getting to know Sheryl I was intrigued to learn more. I was never really sceptical about the process, because I love learning and I love to understand how people learn and do things, but I was very, very surprised at how engaged I have become with the process, and how more intrigued I’ve become with it, because of the way you delivered it.
What was happening for me personally before working with you?
- I was not feeling great at this point and identified I need some support in finding a clear direction moving forward
- I was in a job that I was passionate about succeeding in but was feeling worn down by the ways of working and the environment I was working in. The daily commute took me away from my family and was impacting my health.
- I was looking to find a solution which would work moving forward and I was considering:
- Having to change jobs
- Find a better way of working with my current employer which worked for all whilst exploring other opportunities to give me a future exit strategy, which was just not feasible with the current working conditions.
- Or going out and doing something for myself by setting up my own business
What I was really looking for was clarity because my procrastination over the decision making process was affecting my home life and personally I just wasn’t feeling myself and I was tired.
I knew I needed to change, but I didn’t know how to get to that change, so I was really looking for some support to get to that point.
What kind of sessions did you attend?
I initially did the 30 day Clarity Confidence and Change programme which involved:
- Pre session clarity workbook
- 2 hours one to one session at Sheryl’s home office
- Weekly accountability for 4 weeks
- 30 minute laser phone call
And I have now signed up for regular clarity sessions over the next 9-12 months.
What happened?
The programme for me was fantastic. The initial two hour clarity session was a real eye opener.
I remember going into the initial clarity session not wanting to change the way I was or come out a different person. I just wanted to:
- Understand a little bit more about how I needed to be to come to the right conclusion and take myself in the right direction
- Work out how I plan and deliver that best
What became very clear, very quickly was that in order to get to that place, I needed to spend some time working out:
What makes me, me?
What is the right direction for me?
What happened as a result of being in that session was a bit of a gob-smack moment when I came away thinking it wasn’t as simple as it looks, which made me realise it was not just a case of make a decision and go for it.
It was well worth reflecting and understanding how I learn things and how this influences my decisions before making the right decision and moving forward. The strength and solution questions do really make me think and I certainly was able to take my thinking to another level.
The weekly accountability was also very unique. You were flexible and challenged me to communicate in a way that worked for me, safe in the knowledge you would say if it was not working for you.
It was great to be able to send my response via audio sound bite which saved me so much time and angst as I would have written and re written the response over and over again.
That said I have also learned the value of seeing my goals/words written down and having them to refer to.
Now I know the value of both audio and written I can decide in the moment which is more important
And it was great to use the 30 minute laser session to mentally set myself up for the meeting I consequently had with my boss about my contract.
What happened?
The whole process encouraged me to understand how to best:
- Set expectations
- Be accountable to myself
- To explain to people how I learn and what I need to work at my best with them
This has already in just 30 days started to really make a massive difference.
- I am now working in a different environment e.g. mainly from home
- I have negotiated the kind of work I do and the projects I will get involved with going forward
- I am working on an exit strategy with my employee to allow me to support their growth and set my own business up
This programme has given me the confidence and respect to do that and now I am able to spend more time with my daughter Hollie and wife and have time for the gym so I feel better and healthier. This in turn empowers me and makes me more confident about doing more things.
Wow if that is the pre journey set up then I guess I am at the start of a very exciting journey and I look forward to you helping me to keep it going forward.
In addition to that I would just like to add that processes like Clean Language can be a bit strange, and leave you a little bit confused at times, but actually that’s the point, because you need to give a genuine answer and sometimes that does require digging a little deeper into your memory banks.
I really enjoyed this way of learning about myself and your approachability makes the whole process very easy to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Three Questions That Can Get You Over Self Doubt
Being self employed, a parent and basically a human being it is normal to have self doubt. If you knew everything and you was always comfortable then in my opinion you would have stopped learning and stretching and quite frankly you most probably would have stopped truly living at your best.
Anxiety and a little nervous tummy are for me, are a signal that I have a decision to make.
When I feel like this what I have discovered works for me are 3 questions that change my focus which invariably changes the results. What I have noticed is that over time I have been able to disconnect one by one the emotional triggers that result in self doubt. Here are the questions that work for me:
Question 1: What would I/you like to have happen?
When you are stuck with a decision training your attention and inner critic to converse with and talk about what you ‘do‘ want rather than what you don’t want is important. Once you are telling your story from a perspective of I want ‘xyz’ you are more likely to be able to communicate that to others in a way they will hear and understand. (People generally have an intolerance to listening to what you don’t want because they have no idea how to support you)
When you know what you want then you can resource yourself and ask for the appropriate help.
And sometimes no matter how much you try to work out what you want you find yourself stuck in the hole of “I really don’t know what I want”. You know logically that is part of the problem and no matter how much it makes sense you can discover yourself becoming quite frustrated with yourself because you cannot articulate what you do want.
In my experience rather than beating yourself up and giving yourself a hard time for being so negative try moving on to question two:
Question 2: What is working? or What has worked recently?
When I lose sight of my success, my achievements my ‘done list’ my mind shuts down and it loses sight of solution focused communication. This is when I invest time exploring what is working to build stronger foundations and awareness that I am in fact safe and all is not doom and gloom.
If you find yourself unable to state what you do want then I would go as far as to say ‘force’ yourself to reflect on your strengths and success so far. This might feel a bit weird at first and it will most likely go against your natural pattern – it is suppose to. It is a bit like resistance training in the gym, to build inner strength you have to do something differently.
Giving yourself evidence based feedback and tracking your own success you may notice things that you would like to have happen more often or more consistently in which case you will be gradually create a solution focused mindset and you will be able to articulate what you do want.
This isn’t something I found easy at first, I found it hard to look back. In fact I had no real way to access ‘good’ memories with this in mind you might set yourself a task of consciously noticing and recording what is working over the next 90 days. The result is the same. Your attention is on what is working.
This investment of time is so worth it I promise.
Training your inner critic to pay attention to your ‘wins’ is fundamental in my opinion to ‘feeling more resourced’.
If you cannot see, hear or feel any sense of your success this is when you might employ external feedback. In my case I trained/educated my husband, my family, my friends and my clients to pay attention to my wins/successes so that when I overlooked them they could remind me.
Failing that you could employ a coach, mentor or a friend or me.
WARNING: Take care when asking friends and family because sometimes they can’t remember either and that doesn’t mean you are useless it is most likely because of how their memory works and they simply cannot access that information instantly. so again ask them to pay attention and to tell you in the moment and if they also forget to do this be mindful they too may be struggling with staying focused on your request because their own mind is full of self doubt.
Set them up for success and ask them to help going forward. Ask them to notice and tell you when they see you achieving and being successful. And of course you too can be proactive to put your attention on their strengths, wins and successes to.
Failing that you have question 3:
Question 3. How do I need to be to be able to notice what I am achieving and to become solution focused?
Invariably this comes down to a skill or a resource like have more self belief, be more assertive, make a decision, be more organised, trust more or let go of guilt.
It could be that you need more confidence in your listening or your learning or even your memory. Each of you will be bespoke and if you are still struggling please don’t struggle any longer. Get in touch.
Over the years of taking clients through the STAR system to gain and maintain clarity what I have come to realise is that self doubt creeps in more and more when you do not have confidence in your decisions and you do not have a process for recording what works for you.
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met despite the fact she could and would encourage everyone else to do exactly that. A series of 3 events in her personal life forced her to stop and learn how to take her own advice.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to you to do more of what you love, delegate what you don’t and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Sheryl openly shares an easy to adopt communication tool kit that will transform the way you think and train others to listen. Sheryl will be your strength and solution detective until you have fully trained your inner critic and those around you, to listen in a way that motivates and inspires you to be the best you can be.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Free Step By Step Listening Guide
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media
Proud Member of BNI Uplands
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Lesley Holyoake – Equine Assisted Facilitation – Feb 2011 – Present
What was happening before working with step by step listening?
At home I was juggling many aspects of my life, in fact it felt like I was juggling them all in order to make them work better for me. My husband had decided the marriage was over and I was not finding it easy to accept his decision. At work I had very little income and a lot of anxiety over bringing in income through my business. I lacked confidence with networking and marketing to make it happen and personally, I was constantly fighting in my own head with the decision to stay self employed or go back to being employed.
Which sessions did you attend?
I started with several taster type sessions and had a couple of coffee and chats with Sheryl when I was very kindly invited to join Sheryl’s Excel group for one year coaching and mentoring. At first I had absolutely no idea whether I really wanted to commit myself for a year. Sheryl reassured me that this was a journey we would start together and at any point I didn’t think it was working I could opt out. This left me feeling like I had control over what I was committing to.
Once I was in it, I realised that you always asked what I would like to have happen so as the client I was designing the programme with you and therefore I always got what I wanted. You collaborated with me to make it happen and created the space but ultimately I learned to be sure I was asking for what I wanted. From day one it was a partnership in the true sense of the word. And I feel very fortunate to be able to continue to share space with you and co- facilitate when the opportunity arises.
The Excel programme meant that I had one to one sessions which were amazing, fabulous and significant in terms of providing me with resources, insights and understanding on a personal level. These sessions underpinned all the other work.
Power groups were fun, creative and key to my business growth as they allowed me to listen to myself as well as to how others solved similar challenges.
Do, Delegate or Ditch provided me with clarity and understanding of why I had not been able to plan like others and gave me more confidence to find my own unique way of working. But the real light bulb moment came when I attended the Motivate, Manage or mentor session where I recognised my blocks around feedback and how that was preventing me from being myself in groups and my personal relationships. This was pivotal in every aspect of my life and developing the resources to know how to feel safe to speak up in my relationships is still proving to be life changing.
What has happened? What were the results?
At work I feel more confident that I am creating a business and life that is true to what I want. I am able to work in an environment where I have built relationships with great people I value and when ‘stuff’ comes along, I know that even if I feel a bit wobbly, I have many more ways of getting back on track quicker and more effectively. I feel like I am creating some really solid foundations for the future. I can network confidently now and engage in conversations. I have also been able to take a temporary employed role to provide financial stability during this period with confidence that I was not letting go of my dream.
At home, I realised how poor my verbal conversational skills were… however the good news is that I am beginning to understand where my language patterns were unhelpful, what I can do to change it and how I would like it to be. This was painful and uncomfortable learning but so valuable and as a result my connection with my family just goes from strength to strength
Personally I have more confidence in myself, my ability and able to be more relaxed around other people balancing their needs and wants with my own.
This is partly because I am more resourced than before so no matter what happens I always feel okay. I am also now able to listen more accurately and appropriately. I am more aware of the dynamics of two- way verbal conversation so can notice when it is changing and what I can do differently to keep it as enjoyable as possible!
Who would you recommend Step by Step Listening too?
Everyone is the short answer!! People who want to learn to listen better and improve their conversational ability so they can develop or improve the quality of their lives, their relationships and or their businesses.
Ros Bristow – The Harmonie Tree – May 2010 – Present
What was happening before you worked with Step by Step Listening?
I approached Sheryl in May 2010 because I wanted to know how to grow a business that helped families communicate more effectively. A few years earlier my family and I were in crisis and I was desperate for help with my own daughters and could not find the help I needed in the UK.
I had recently qualified as a coach and wanted to learn how Sheryl had set up her business.
Which sessions did you attend?
I attended one to one sessions to start with then in 2011 Sheryl invited me to join her Excel Group. This gave me access to Do, Delegate or Ditch, Motivate, Manage or Mentor and exclusive VIP days where we access to what was happening in her head. We would model out how she was thinking and what she was doing to resource herself to work, learn and live at her best.
Today I am privileged to call myself Sheryl’s friend and I work in collaboration with her on many of her projects and I value being around her energy, enthusiasm and honesty.
The Excel group is a unique space to share with Sheryl and if you are wanting to stretch yourself then I would highly recommend this space to you.
No matter what year you join her she will be growing and learning. She is open and honest and willing and has a unique ability to create a space where you feel your contribution is of value and that you are great just as you are. If you want to be better she will support and encourage you every step of the way and she will see every weaknesses as a potential for growth and will feedback examples of when that same weaknesses is your greatest strength.
What happened? What were the results?
I was always very clear I wanted an international business that prevents families reaching the crisis point I did and I wanted to be resourced myself to be able to hold that space for the parents and teens.
What I discovered is that I felt a fraud marketing to families whilst my own family was still having ‘the odd mini crisis’ and I was aware if I was going to manage teens in crisis I had to develop greater inner strength myself. I had to know what was right for me and not worry about what others thought.
Over the 3 years I worked intensely with Sheryl I learned how to:
- Set better boundaries at home & speak up for what I wanted.
- Recognise my music teaching style as a gift instead of thinking I wasn’t doing it properly
- Develop “The Music Café” and found my own unique way to coach groups using music as a resource
- Be more confident when networking with a clearer message and this gave me confidence to joined BNI which then provided me with additional peer support and evidence based feedback
- To tell my story openly and honestly at 4N and many other groups which inspired me to develop my speaking skills and I joined toastmasters for a period of time
- To make tough decisions because I knew what I needed to work, learn and live at my best with others
- Be resourced to do tough interviews such at the one with the USA embassy which was necessary to apply for my USA visa which in turn has allowed my dream of an international business to have potential to evolve.
- Create the right peer support around me to manage any change in my life.
What difference does all this make? If any?
I am now resourced to handle any change in my life and I can bring about the change I need to work, learn and live at my very best and I won’t except anything less than the best.
I have been give the skills to resource myself and my family. I have made brave and courageous decisions such as:
- Ending my 30 year marriage
- Applying for divorce
- Leaving my marital home
- Fund myself financially
- Resourcing myself effectively after the death of my best friend Bettina in April 2014
- Developed my relationship with two of my 3 daughters and one is still a work in progress
- Run an international business strengthening families from the inside out- I have now travelled to the USA 3 times in the past 3 years.
- Use music and nutritional supplements to bring health and vitality to families
- Develop a lunch time session for corporate companies in collaboration with Sheryl called “The Music Cafe”
- Formed new loving relationships with depth and honesty because I know how to truly be myself and I have to and want to be able to express my love for the other person and life.
I would like to add that Sheryl is amazing at recognising the star inside you and she will do anything and everything in her power to resource you to make it sparkle and shine. I will always be grateful to her for travelling with me to Colorado in April 2012. That trip was a big deal for me and knowing that I had Sheryl there with me not just mentally but also physically made all the difference. That trip gave me the connections I needed to create the international business I dreamed of and I can’t thank her enough.
I Was In A Personal Relationship That Was Eating Away At My Soul
Beauty and Fitness Consultant – Pazzazz Me
Client from July 2011 – Present
What was happening before working with Step by Step Listening?
I was running 3 businesses, a single mum of two and in a personal relationship that was eating away at my soul. I knew it wasn’t right and found myself persisting wanting to make it work.
What kind of sessions have you attended?
I started with one to one sessions, I then changed to a monthly power group and more recently I have attended both Do, Delegate & Ditch and Motivate, Manage or Mentor retreats. I still attend about 6 half day power groups per year to maintain clarity and focus.
What was the result?
The very first session I remember being asked, where would I like to be?
I found myself on the carpeted floor with colouring pens and crying because all I wanted was to be able to sit on the carpet with my children and have some fun.
As a single mum the pressure was on me to provide financially for my family and emotionally I didn’t feel supported. I remember talking about my ideal Christmas and my first few sessions were focused on how would my personal life, business life and family need to be to make it possible.
There was quite a lot to what seemed quite simple.
What happened is that I:
- Ditched my boyfriend
- I gained clarity of what I wanted in my business and my home
- Moved house and bought my own property meaning that my ex partner no longer had any influence/control on what I did to the property and I was more motivated to invest in and make it a home because it was for me
- Managed my diary and my clients differently
- Faced the numbers in my business and introduced a monthly premier club which gave me financial stability even when the classes were quiet
- Developed a name and strap line for all my 3 businesses that encapsulated what I stand for. The name Pazzazz me was developed and the strap line “Look good feel great”.
- The new brand meant my sales process was more effective as I only had one message and I could sell all my services to all of my databases. There were a number of things that needed to happen for that to happen and step by step I have been able to line everything up to create the home life that I wanted.
- I stopped letting my network marketing companies control me and trusted my own unique way of working within their framework
- Gave up my company car to eradicate the fear of failure and emotional pressure that created and allowed me to focus on what I wanted.
- Met the man of my dreams and for the first time ever we feel like a ‘proper’ family
- Learned that my personal training is different to others and how to value and sell that, which saw the launch of PEP workshops Posture – Elegance – Poise.
What difference has this made? If any?
When I first became self employed 17 years ago I worked every hour I could, took every single opportunity and forced myself to do more, even when my body was telling me to rest! I put myself and my needs at the bottom of the pile. The result of this was that I would become ill, I would feel exhausted, the only time I rested was when I was asleep, and even then I’m not sure I was resting. I became resentful of my life and it’s lack of balance.
I looked for companionship in partners but felt frustrated and disappointed that they weren’t treating me well.
Then came my clarity sessions with you!
You gave me the tools to teach me to listen to myself, to include ME in my busy world.
To STOP and take a look at what I really wanted?
Who I wanted to spend my time with and how?
I can now confidently say NO if I don’t want to do something or something doesn’t feel right without guilt.
My motor inside me now purrs instead of the washing machine on full spin! I recognise sooner if I’m losing balance and can take myself to lie down and rest on my bed. I now have a better sense of calm and I have the tools to use to get me purring again!
I can honestly say that my power groups are my lifeline and the clarity I gain every month is an essential part of me just like eating, drinking and exercise.
We run monthly power group sessions and you are welcome to come and try one before committing to our one year programme. Please do book a complimentary clarity and confidence call with me now and discover if power groups can put you back in control of your life and your business.
I highly recommend the PEP workshop it really made a difference to how I hold myself and present myself physically and I am looking forward to working in collaboration with Belinda to take this into businesses as a Listen, Lunch and Learn session.
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met despite the fact she could and would encourage everyone else to do exactly that. A series of 3 events in her personal life forced her to stop and learn how to take her own advice.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to you to do more of what you love, delegate what you don’t and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Sheryl openly shares an easy to adopt communication tool kit that will transform the way you think and train others to listen. Sheryl will be your strength and solution detective until you have fully trained your inner critic and those around you, to listen in a way that motivates and inspires you to be the best you can be.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Free Step By Step Listening Guide
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media
Proud Member of BNI Uplands
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