Why Am I So Angry?

It is easy to think we should always be happy and that our sadness and anger is lack of education or poor mindset. It is in fact human to experience a range of emotions.

The art is learning how to experience them without imposing their affect on others. I believe the answer is to listen without judgment and let them have their space without letting them take up all your time and thinking.

Many find it hard to listen to anger, sadness or pain. It causes them to experience discomfort and so they stop listening and invariably the person telling the story suppresses that emotion instead of simply acknowledging and releasing it in the process of sharing.

And some let their emotions out either without concern for the impact or simply unaware of the pain it causes because they are able to listen to it and it doesn’t impact them.

We are all different. I often feel the pain of others and I have to release it or it stays inside me. What about you? When you listen to someone being angry or sad what happens to you?

#Curious

Thank you Mark 

I would like to thank my husband who is always so patient when I hit this point. It is familiar which makes it frustrating but today I am choosing to simply be fascinated that I am back in this familiar place and grateful I can get back out. At least we know why it is happening and can and do quickly get ourselves out of it.

The Power of Sharing

When I have time to share my story or time to reflect, I can and do make better decisions. I am also a nicer person. Despite knowing sharing works, I don’t always have someone to talk to in the moment. So I park the feeling and get busy and sometimes forget.

Today I woke and I was ‘really’ angry. It had been brewing most of yesterday and yet I ignored it.

Give angry space

When I gave angry my attention I noticed it was inside – tiny angry red face in my stomach. By the time I had finished writing/sharing/reflecting the red face had moved to my head and now my whole face was red. (metaphorically speaking)

As soon as as I saw my face red, it made me smile and I knew what the problem really was. One I was all in my head. It was all about the way I was thinking about the weekend and that was impacting how I felt and how I used my time.

And I smiled even more when I realised the angry red face was what I wanted. Only I wanted the red face to be from a really good workout that blew away the cobwebs. There is a saying that one of my clients uses which is “What you think about you bring about it”

I often say “Be careful for what you wish for” If you do not communicate with absolutely clarity you might actually get what you asked for just not in the way you wanted.

What brought it out was the fact I subconsciously knew I wanted to train. I had mentioned going to the beach last night but Mark didn’t seem that interested so I let it go. Then today I became really frustrated because Mark was going out mountain biking today without me because I committed to work and encouraged him to go, saying I am busy. What I didn’t do is listen to my desire to swim or workout yesterday.

I was saying I am working ALL weekend on the “FREE 7 Day Clarity Challenge”.

Chatting with purpose

As I chat/write to you, my story revealed that during the course of many conversations, watching TV, reading and client sessions this week somethings had sparked curiosity and some pain.

I have a metaphorical wicker bin that I throw Sheryl’s Crap in when I am working with clients and often by the time I have finished a session the stuff in the bin has dissolved and or resolved itself. And the weekend is also my time to process and let things go. When I don’t have time for that or when lots of things come in at the same time the content of the bin get transferred to critic headquarters filing cabinet at the front of my head.

Stuck Behind The Listening

When I park and file my emotions like this, it works but only for certain lengths of time.

It is all too easy to get stuck behind listening, listening to everyone else and neglecting to share/listen to your own stories.

I guess that is why I write and why I am now blogging daily again and it is why I run Clarity and Confidence Retreats to give others space to off load their stories and edit them and only put back that which is useful and serves them.

As I push myself outside my comfort zone again with new challenges I am having more buttons pushed and more things end up in the bin and it would seem even more things are ending up in the critic filing cabinet.

When I fail to stop and share those stories with myself or someone else they build up and get stuck in my system which doesn’t serve me. Today they arrived as anger, and it could have easily showed up as tears and or overeating.

What I know now is that I was telling myself a victim story of I am ‘working all weekend’ and my critic knew that I had somethings in my system that needed releasing and the way I was talking was inferring there wasn’t time to share.

When I listened I also realised that my body is craving movement, heart beating activity that makes my face red. My soul is craving the sea and fresh air and I have cabin fever. I feel like I have been glued to my laptop for weeks. (I haven’t, I just feel like I have)

 

Plan, Progress Praise

It is now 11.30am. I have been writing and editing this blog for 3 hours. Ironically it has taken much longer to process on my own than it would have been with someone who is skilled to listen. But that is where I am today.

What I do know is this. Even if I went to bed at 11.30pm I have 12 hours. I can actually do 5 hours of fun and relaxing soul nourishing stuff. I can have 3 hours cooking and that still leaves me 5 hours to work on the course. So my story is no longer “I am working all weekend” it is updated to I am working 5 hours today and I have already spent 3 hours nurturing my soul too.

That feels so much better and I can’t wait to be red face and enjoying a swim in the sea as the summer starts to roll away and we move into the season of Autumn here in the UK.

What about you? How are you today? 

The invitation today is to listen to your feelings, locate them if you can. Consider if they have a shape or size. That feeling is like what? And what would that feeling like to have happen? Whatever feeling or emotion you notice I would love to hear about your experience.

For research for book number two Do, delegate or Ditch – I would love to know if there is a relationship between your current feelings and the story you are telling yourself about time?

Step by Step Listening
Supporting you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t

Please share below your thoughts as google likes to know you like me or join us for more private conversation in our closed Facebook group Manage your critic

If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a FREE 30 minute call today to explore your next best step. Alternatively if you want to work through the process in private and would like to know when the FREE 7 Day Clarity Challenge will be available you can sign up here

I might be part of the solution you need and I might not, but by the end of the call you will you know your next best step. Or you can thickpaperbackfront_Finalpurchase a copy of my book here if buying in the UK. Alternatively you can go to www.smile.amazon.co.uk and purchase a copy here. If you don’t yet have your amazon associated with a charity I would love if you would support Square Pegs Charity. A local charity that I support as trustee and patron.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.

Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.

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Published By

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening is well known for her fast speaking and highly motivational passion. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult when criticised even when she knew they meant well and found it difficult to respond rather than react. A series of 3 events in her personal life exaggerated her emotional overwhelm and forced her to address this problem and conquer her sensitivity to criticism. Today she shares every day stories of every day people and inspires you to discover ways to gain clarity and confidence to change the way feedback and criticism impacts your performance.

View all posts by Sheryl Andrews →
2nd September 2018 Uncategorised
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2 responses to “Why Am I So Angry?”

  1. Linsey says:

    Another great read Sheryl and I truly understand the anger. When I teach, I talk about the anger that is left behind, after the original negative emotion has long-gone. Despite knowing it, I still experience it on occasion.
    Being left with anger at yourself, for feeling angry or impatient or lacking confidence/ the ability to speak-up or put your needs on a level peg (or a host of other emotions) is not helpful but it seems to be a common destination, especially amongst women.
    Acceptance, rather than judgement of our (perfectly human) emotions, prevents the retention and build-up of our secondary-anger which, let’s face it, is a far happier option but it does take commitment and effort to get to that place. But, once we understand that we do have the choice, there’s a whole bunch of help out thereto help us…including your lovely self 🙂 Lxx

    • It is interesting I was working with a client this week that was angry for being angry. She knew the emotion was not serving her. What I have come to recognise is that in our attempt to not experience this emotion we hang onto for far longer. I wonder if it is more about how we express anger. I am now thinking can I do angry quietly and to myself without it impacting others? I am not sure I will experiment with that.

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