The Tone and Pace Of Your Questions Does Matter
One of the vital skills when it comes to managing ourselves and others through change is the art of asking good questions. In this short video I talk about tone and pace. (Yes it is a few years ago now but the content is as valid today as it was then 🙂 )
The invitation is to be curious about how your speed and tone might or might not be impacting someone else’s ability to respond. To work and live with others we have to be able to ask good questions and give someone else space to respond.
We can become frustrated when questions are left unanswered, not answered quickly enough or take our thinking somewhere we are not comfortable to share.
I know for me my brain can take things quite literally and make some weird and wonderful connections between what is heard and my existing map of the world.
The pace of a question can generate urgency in me that means that I forget to think and process before responding. And yet when I give myself time to think I have been accused of being dishonest and not speaking the truth. The truth is that my response was random weird and unhelpful and I often have to do some kind of linguistic gymnastics to answer the question as I assume it was intended.
When we have an overactive critic that believes there is a right and wrong way to ask and answer questions this can prevent us from listening and giving others time to process and then contribute with something of value to them and us.
If you are keen to be the best manager, leader and or parent you can be and you want to develop your skills to Motivate, Manage or Mentor others;
Don’t miss our annual retreat where we explore listening, questioning and feedback skills and unravel what is holding you back from getting or giving the response you want.
Founder of Step by Step Listening, Sheryl Andrews has always been keen to create space where other people felt safe to speak their truth no matter what that was. She is well known for her ability to motivate manage and mentor others through change and loves nothing more than turning overwhelm into a clarity and confidence that change can and is happening.
But what many didn’t know is that in private behind closed doors she was not always able to do that for herself, she was fearful of upsetting others and often did not ask for her own needs to be met. She was no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. That was until she learned to train others to listen in a way that made it safe for her to ask for help and be herself.
Sheryl and her team now runs retreats, one to one coaching and online group coaching course that provide you with a space and time to gain clarity, focus and direction whilst unraveling what is really holding you back and plan your next best step with confidence. For regular updates and examples of how listening skills can resource you to manage yourself, time and others through change check out Free Success without stress newsletter
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Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You
I am sure like me and many others before us, you have decided on goals, written them down and maybe even made a beautiful vision board and produced a beautiful step by step plan and then nothing happens and so nothing changes.
Ironically so many then think planning is a waste of time when in fact the process of vision boards and planning are not the problem – instead it is how you decided on the goals in the first place.
Many blame time for not taking action but that is rarely the truth. What is happening is that we make a decision to use our time for something else; but sadly it is rarely a conscious decision. Instead it is driven by our subconscious thoughts and feelings that drive our behaviour. Continue reading Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You
Craving A Deeper Sense Of Connection
I talk to my clients and myself; about listening for and being consciously aware of the negative niggles. You know those under breath thoughts or throw away comments.
I am not sure if it is my age (51) and the fact my family are all grown up, or that the business is starting to take shape and my team can manage lots of things on my behalf or that I have had a number of bereavements recently but I do know that I am wanting more from my relationships. I don’t get pleasure from idle chat about the weather. Continue reading Craving A Deeper Sense Of Connection
How Do Professional Photos Improve Your Sales?
So why is it important, in my opinion to have professional photos?
There is the obvious one, in that they are better quality and once you have invested in them, they will be at the right resolution for all kinds of marketing material such as pop up banners etc.
But for me, which probably won’t come as much of a surprise, it is more about the emotional side. When you work with a professional photographer, they know how to position you so that you get the best angle and how to use the light to work with your image. Continue reading How Do Professional Photos Improve Your Sales?
What Motivated Me To Write A Book To Build My Business?
I would like to say that it was a well thought out business decision. But the reality is that I had always wanted to write ‘a’ book. I had this yearning deep down inside that said I was meant to write.
But then something held me back from acting on that desire. My critic worried that I would make a fool of myself. My critic said what if no one buys it. My critic worried I would get in debt and focused on how much it would cost rather than the difference it would make to me both emotionally, physically and financially. Continue reading What Motivated Me To Write A Book To Build My Business?
Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity?
As an introvert my home is my sanctuary, and it got me thinking about space and ambiance and I found myself asking the question: Does it really matter?
With the weather definitely turning more autumnal, my favourite space for recharging is definitely curled up in front of a roaring fire surrounded by candlelight. However, since I have been working with my coach Sheryl Andrews, I have started to explore what else about that space makes it my favourite place. Continue reading Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity?
10 Things I Want To Achieve In My Life Time
I had written this list before and yet as I read it today there were some edits. I would love to share my thinking with you simply so you know a little about me and what matters to me. Then I would love to know what matters to you.
How Do I Overcome Writer’s Block?
I imagine writers block like the author in the movie sat looking at the typewriter and nothing coming to mind. But mine wasn’t like that, in fact it rarely is.
Mine didn’t feel like a block it felt more like an inability to filter or block anything.
It was all coming out. I had the complete opposite of block, it was more like writing diarrhea. Sorry for that image, but it really did feel like it was pouring out and it felt like poo and my critic said as much. As soon as I notice my critic being critical I know it is worth checking in. Continue reading How Do I Overcome Writer’s Block?
How To Conquer The Time Monster?
One of the most common causes for overwhelm is the fear of not having enough time. It can create this massive monster in our mind and before we know it all we ever seem to say is “I don’t have time.”
Our thinking can become consumed with how little time we have rather than with productive and effective thinking about how we can maximise the time we have.
Time in my experience is not the problem and it is more our perception of time in relation to our desired outcomes that is the culprit.
When we lack clarity of what we want, why we want it, what works for us and how long it will take we often get consumed with indecision and procrastination quickly follows. That can often mean we don’t have any sense of progress because it feels like nothing has been achieved and so the spiral of the time monster continues. Continue reading How To Conquer The Time Monster?
Destination Addiction – Where Is Your Attention?
The Clarity Process
In my book Manage Your Critic – From Overwhelm to clarity in 7 steps I talk about C for curiosity and L for language. I attended the Southampton Positive Living Group last week to listen to Robert Holden.
As I listened to Robert Holden he talked about how we can become addicted to the destination and our language is about the future saying things like:
- ‘I am getting there’
- ‘When I have ….then I will…’
- ‘One day I will ……’
- ‘When I retire, then I will…’
It got me thinking about my goals this month which is to love and respect my body more. In the past with any weight loss journey I was focused on the destination. Continue reading Destination Addiction – Where Is Your Attention?