How To Be A Lady That Leaves..
As some of you may or may not know I am a lady that left. After several years of saying if I am this unhappy this New Year I am leaving, I was reminded by a close family member on his side of the family that I had been saying that for four years. She then asked “So when are you leaving?”
Like so many people when they are stuck with a life changing decision it can be paralysing. I knew something had to change and yet no matter how much I tackled the commotion in my head I could not gain clarity and confidence in my own mind.
My critic anced around the drama triangle. One minute I took the victim stance feeling like it was all my fault, then I took rescuer, usually on behalf of my children I felt I should stay and make it work or I would make excuses for his behaviour and with my friends and nearest and dearest I would be persecuting him and sometimes myself for not having the courage to leave. Continue reading How To Be A Lady That Leaves..
How Is Your Environment Impacting Your Clarity & Confidence?
In this video Roger Hamilton talks through 5 energies:
- Dynamo – represented by the element wood and the season Spring and the question what?
- Blaze – represented by the element fire and the season Summer and the question who?
- Tempo – represented by the element earth and the season Autumn and the question where or when?
- Steel – represented by the element metal and the season Winter and the question how?
- Spirit – represented by the element water and the question why?
What Are Your Auto-Pilot Responses Costing You?
This week as I work my way through 5 days of silence each is a little different from the next.
Day 1 – With fam Continue reading What Are Your Auto-Pilot Responses Costing You?
What Is The Difference Between A Silent Retreat & Sponsored Silence?
With no social media from 9am to 9pm.
It has been interesting since the very first silent retreat on the 28th January to explore what the expectations are of a silent retreat. As I sit here now and write I am all alone and yet the environment is far from silent. The workman are cleaning our drive out front with a pressure cleaner and there is the dull throbbing from the motor continuously pumping.
When I set up this challenge I did it because I had heard of silent retreats and thought, “Wow that must be bliss”. And over the years I have been accused of ‘talking too much’ that a little part of me wanted to prove to myself, and them that I can and do stay quiet for quite long periods of time Continue reading What Is The Difference Between A Silent Retreat & Sponsored Silence?
What Are Your Assumptions Costing You? Day 1 Sponsored Silence
Today was part of a 5 day commitment to be silent for 12 hours per day to complete my goal of 100 hours of silence this year – to raise money and awareness of those in our communities that are silenced due to judgements and assumptions. And as I share my findings I am constantly reminded that we are all guilty of this in every day life. We make assumptions that cost us business and relationships time and time again.
12 Hours Starts Now Continue reading What Are Your Assumptions Costing You? Day 1 Sponsored Silence
What Happens When You Don’t Give Your Team Time To Speak?
As I prepare for my 5 day sponsored silence 18th June to 22nd June I have decided to write articles to share my observations of myself and those around me.
These articles are an invitation to be curious with me. Many of us feel silenced because we cannot find the right words or we fear that we will be misunderstood and so stay quiet rather than get it wrong.
Perhaps you are feel silenced at work or home because there is never ‘enough’ time to really talk about what is happening.
And too many, in our communities are silenced because someone or society has said they don’t deserve a voice, they are not worthy and I am here to say that you matter and your story and your strengths have value and you make a difference.
The Day Before I Go Silent …
This time tomorrow I will not be able to speak for 12 hours per day from 9am to 9pm for 5 days. The goal is to be silent for 60 hours. I have already done 4 separate day of 10 hours each and this final quest will ensure I reach my goal of 100 hours silent. A drop in the ocean compared with those that are all too often silenced for a life time.
If I speak even for 1 second or just 1 word then I lose that whole hour and my silence for that day is extended by another hour.
I am also not going to be on social media posting or engaging. (There are some automated responses that if engaged with I can and will respond to outside of the sponsored silence period.)
It is interesting to notice the panic that set in initially as I considered who or what I needed to say before tomorrow.
Time is running out
There were some really complex things that I just ‘had’ to express verbally, that resulted in a long download to both my PA and my business partner late Friday night.
Both partnerships had projects with deadlines looming.
What transpired is that I didn’t really have much to say but I did talk for some time.
The energy and the speed with which I did speak was quite fast. This was fear speaking – not clarity. Fear of not being able to communicate clearly with pen and paper if at all. Fear that what I wanted to have happen would be forgotten.
I talked and talked. What I noticed is that felt quite exhausted afterwards. What I have been reminded of so quickly is why I love Clean Language – when I am in this story mode, downloading all kinds of information it can quickly and effectively ground me to clarify ‘what is the point of my dialogue? What I am trying to say?
I wonder who, when or how you process your thinking?
Are you someone that needs to think to talk or someone that talks to think?
When time is limited in the workplace many people in my opinion lack the time to think.
What I believe happens is that home life is directly impacted by this overwhelm and lack of clarity. It becomes the only space you have to process your thoughts. This can result in you withdrawing from your family because you need time to think or you may be like me and download from your day.
My question today is – Is that really how you want to spend your home life? Downloading and processing your day at work?
This is okay occasionally but it can impact our personal relationships if we are always distracted with unprocessed and unsettled thinking.
When I reflect on Friday night the ‘actual’ thing I had to say took minutes but the talking around my feelings and thoughts took much longer. That was driven by my awareness I could not talk next week.
Now I am curious about what happens in business when we become so busy we silence our teams simply by not having time to listen. What happens to their fears and concerns when they need to download and express how they ‘feel’?
Please join me this week and notice how often you feel silenced?
Have a go at telling yourself you can’t talk for 2 hours or a day and notice what happens to your system?
Please share below your findings.
I would love your support sponsoring me as I am raising money for two local charities that support those in our community that are silenced in the most horrendous way.
Southern Domestic Advice Services – supporting those affected by domestic violence in many ways.
Square Pegs Charity – A creative and well being hub for those that perhaps might otherwise feel excluded.
Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage your critic
If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happy set you up for success. I might be part of the solution you need and I might not but you will you know your next best step. Or you can Purchase a copy of my book here
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.
Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.
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