Day 31 – Yeah! 83,433 words written – 31 Day Summer Writing Challenge
As I come to the end of the 31 day challenge – I am spending the day reviewing what I have written and listening to the webinars again. Some for the first time as I was away.
On the 31st July to kick start this 31 day challenge my book mentor asked me the question “What do you want the book to do?
I am amused that I didn’t answer this question at the beginning and whilst I know that it was important as a guiding light for all the writing the truth is I couldn’t answer then.
Karen also challenged/encouraged us to write 10,000 words to get us off the starting blocks.
I knew that I could write more so I set my own challenge at 50,000.
Interestingly a good friend did say that he thought 50,000 would be a challenge and every now and then I did not a little self doubt creep in.
Questioning if I had I set myself up to make a fool of myself with this daily blog which I did abandon for about 10 days and such a high target.
At first I did notice myself avoiding counting the words because I did think I had not made the 50,000.
As I know the value of evidence based feedback I also know the value of acknowledging and looking for all evidence of improvement, progress and change.
With this in mind I have today counted up the words and I am so pleased to discover I have in fact achieved my goal. And an added bonus is that I found my first draft from last summer with 30,000 words. (Yes I have been promising to write this book for some time)
With those 30,000 included I have now written 83433 words.
Not all of them will be used for this book and many will be used for blog posts in the coming weeks.
Getting them all out and on paper was part of the process of understanding what I want from this book and now I can answer the question.
I want the book to:
- Be part of my bigger vision to change the way the world listens one person at a time:
- To bridge the communication gap between the genders and improve the way we connect with each other both at home and in business
- Provide practical easy activities that can be done at home or at work in just 6 minutes to develop listening skills
- Bring couples closer and make families stronger
- Give individuals tools to be heard, understood and valued in the workplace
- Give individuals confidence to learn no matter what their age
- Give businesses and families simple and effective resources to know how to support each other through change.
- Eradicate fear of failure, feelings of guilt and increase self awareness.
- Give the reader clarity of what they want and the confidence to ask for it and the wisdom to know when to keep quiet.
I am so grateful for every opportunity I have to connect with people who want to communicate better.
I absolute love making it safe for people to learn how to improve their listening skills and it makes my heart light up when I observe how they embrace the resources and principles to bring about greater connection in their life.
What I also know is that writing words is something I find easy so for the next 30 days I am going to focus on chapters and by the end of Sept I would like to have written 8 chapters and I also want to maintain sales activity to ensure I am creating new relationships with potential clients too.
To receive the chapters for peer review and to contribute please do sign up here for the latest news of the book.
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met and was often hurt by the feedback and opinions of others.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Day 30 – It’s A True Story – 31 Day Summer Writing Challenge
August has been a month of connecting and listening to my own inner wisdom as I map out, write and research for my up and coming book “Training him to listen and her not to nag”
It has been a time for connecting with my family and friends and creating new memories. It has been a time of reflection with the death of my Uncle Toby and my daughter’s friend who was just 21 years old.
It has also been a time to experience new things and places as we visited Brussels for the first time and attended the Spa circuit to watch our first Formula 1 race live.
And I wouldn’t be human and I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t share that I have also experienced a few ‘moments’ of self doubt and even a little family friction.
All of which we resolved, improved and enhanced because of the way we listen to each other. Thank you Mark, Helen, Ros, Paige, Liam, Dawn, Carl, James, Ranmal, Aunty Lil, my book writing peer support group, my Just Think Big Mastermind sales and marketing business group, my readers and many more via social media for sharing space and listening to me. Your attention to what I have to say has brought me clarity, confidence and continues to change and enhance the quality of my life. It is only when I read that list that I realise that over the years I really have been able to connect and create an amazing support network.
It was only a few years ago I felt like I didn’t have any ‘real’ friends.
The Book
The book is taking the form of a true story – my story of how in 2006 I decided I wanted to be a better manager so I signed myself up for a coaching diploma that cost me £3000. That was a first of a number of courses I have attended to improve my communications and understanding of myself and those that matter to my success and happiness.
Little did I know that investing in my career would be such a great gift to myself and my family 9 years on. Whilst these skills have made me a better coach, a better manager, better leader they have also transformed my personal relationships.
The book will be sharing how changing the way I listened allowed me to connect with Mark and many other members of my family and friends on a much deep level.
It will be sharing with you how it brought us all closer together emotionally, physically and intellectually.
I am sharing the highs and lows of living with me with depression, low self esteem and a lack of purpose.
The difficulties of not knowing how to listen to someone that you see as strong and capable and yet they feel lost and are floundering unable to find their place in the world.
How to listen or support someone that is so desperate to please others and yet is unable to quite work out what she wants.
For those around me it was at times a nightmare and many of my friends and family will not be short of a story or too when I have either been too sensitive to lacked sensitivity. It always seemed to be one of two extremes.
Add into that my desire to be best I could be in every role that mattered to me and yet feeling like I was failing in so many ways.
Process, Patience and Persistence
Thanks to the processes I learned, my persistence and his patience we have now created a life that ‘just works’ except when it doesn’t. In which case we go back to basics and gain clarity of what we want and how we can make it happen.
All this has been achieved because I wanted to be better than I was in one role and then transferred that logic and learning to every role.
I have had the most amazing learning journey and been able to work with some of the best trainers in the world and I am constantly learning from my clients who bring to every session their own unique story and skills.
I am looking forward to getting back to some client work this week.
If you would like to find out when the book is ready or read some of the chapters as I write them please do sign up here. “Training him to listen and her not to nag”
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met and was often hurt by the feedback and opinions of others.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Free Step By Step Listening Guide
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media
Proud Member of BNI Uplands
Day 18 – 25- Why Do I Have To Change? – 31 Day Summer Writing Challenge
Why do I have to change?
This is a question I often hear in sessions. I think what most people seem to forget is that we are born into a world that is constantly moving and changing – our lives, our bodies and our minds are constantly evolving.
You are learning all the time – so why is it that people resist change?
I have a theory – not a well tested or scientifically proven theory but a theory all the same based on why I resisted change and what I have observed a number of clients discover.
- To be noticed – Some people don’t want change because they are desperate to gain acknowledgement from those around them. It feels like the world is constantly moving at a speed they cannot keep up with and no matter how much they try they cannot get heard and understood before things change and things move on. They believe if they can prevent change the conversation and life may slow down sufficiently they will be noticed. They just want people to stop and notice them. It is not really about not wanting change it is more about not wanting to be ignore or worse still left behind. The way they process time and think they cannot think quickly enough to know how they fit in with the new changes and they were only just getting the hang of the ones that they heard yesterday. This is not a sign of intelligence or ability it is a fact that we all process information differently.
- Approval -Some people are constantly changing themselves – re inventing who they are to please others. It is exhausting trying to be something you are not if you then add into that mix external change then it is like you dip into the dressing up box to find the right mask so that you fit in and belong and yet when you look up the scene has changed. All you want is to fit and constant change means you do not know who to be to belong.
The reality is that learning to be yourself, knowing how you learn and what you want from your life and your work can resource you to be yourself and to observe the change and notice what you notice. It is like you fit in because the connection is your difference not your similarity. The connection is because you can do things differently and that is your gift to those around you.
What I noticed over the years is that indivduals had lots of different reasons why they resisted change and telling them tough and buck up was rarely resourceful and learning more about how you and they:
- Plan
- Make decisions
- Process time
Gave my clients greater clarity and confidence with managing change and even being the change they wanted to see.
How I process time?
For example one of my strengths is my ability to plan and imagine the future.
When I talk about the future I often use present tense ( I know it use to be really confusing – no wonder he couldn’t listen)
When I talked it would sound like I am talking about today or at least the very near future whereas in reality I am probably talking about 18 months away.
Once I understood how I processed time and I understood the difference between what I was seeing in my minds eye and what others were hearing I gained clarity of why some people did not approve of what I had to say. Ironically by being more of who I am truly I gained more approval. Including approval of myself.
In my language and in my head if I am truthful it was already happening. I was tasting it, smelling it, feeling it and living it. I love having holidays planned. The build up and the planning are all part of the process.
I use to say I don’t like surprises because I felt like I was not present when it was happening. I say use to because now I know how I plan I have noticed that I can and do let go of the sadness that I did not experience that pre planning joy and I can simply enjoy the moment. What I have done is learned to take lots of photos and then I can enjoy the moment again and again which means I gain as much pleasure from that one moment in time only now I am doing it from a place of reflection not planning.
If you had told me 5 years ago I need to reflect more it would not have made sense and yet unravelling my own time process I was able to tap into the joy I experience when planning and recognised that was missing with surprise or last minute change. It was not the change I objected to it was the loss of joy from planning.
Once I knew that I was able to develop joy in a new way.
Now I understand how I think and process time, make decisions and plan I usually know why it feels uncomfortable and I can regain my focus and composure quite quickly which now means that when things change or I am surprised I can bring my thinking into the present and really value the moment.
It is also means I can tell others what I need to be okay with changes they are making that I did not factor into my original plan.
Do, Delegate or ditch allows groups of individuals to share space and explore how they plan and process time. It is only really when you share space with others that you can become consciously aware of just how differently we process time. And I run this follow up programme over 60 days because some people just could not work it out on the day because of the way they process time so they leave with a plan to notice what is happening and can update their model over the next few weeks via email and peer support power groups.
How often do you and your partner say we need to be ready at ‘xyz’ time and you never arrive at the same time?
How often do you get frustrated because he can’t listen for as long as you would like or she will not get to the point?
In my experience when you understand and have more confidence in your own planning, decision making and time processes the world makes more sense and you will understand why others don’t always get you and why you need to ask more questions to clarify what others think.
About us
Mark my husband is very much in the moment. He has learned that he can hold 3 things in his head at once and he very much lives in the moment. It is one of the things I love about him – when I have a bad day and I am not nice it is forgotten quickly and never brought back up. When I am lovely it is also forgotten equally as quickly and never brought up.
And when I want to plan ahead it is not impossible for him to do and yet it is not his natural way of processing information. Knowing this means I am more understanding and most of the time we play to our strengths.
Change is inevitable and it is part of evolution and nature. What if anything would you like to change?
Today Mark and I start our holiday and travel to Belgium – Spa for our very first live F1 Grand Prix. The Formula 1 Theory was one of my very first metaphors to help me to understand what I needed to work as a team. I am so excited to actually go and experience what has only been in my head up to now.
I now going to take 6 whole days off from blogging/writing/social media and newsletters.
See you on the other side xx
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met and was often hurt by the feedback and opinions of others.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Free Step By Step Listening Guide
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media
Proud Member of BNI Uplands
Day 17 – Fifty Shades Of Sheryl – 31 Summer Day Challenge
On track with 4270 words today
I am finding it much easier to write to you in this blog. It feels like I am sat with a good friend sharing what I have learned. It feels good to think of you at the other end of the words waiting to hear what I have to say. Even having one person engage with me I am noticing has a really positive impact.
Thank you for the comments, the shares and likes on Facebook and Linked in – keep them coming. Thank you for the emails I have received to share your thoughts on the articles. If you would like to get notification when I have published an article in your inbox please do sign up here.
Fifty Shades of Sheryl
Today I am inspired to write about the importance of roles in any relationship. I think this impacts both husband and wives, business partnerships and even our relationships with friends. But for the purpose of ‘this’ book I am focusing in him and her. Or for you it might be him and him or her and her.
Whilst there are traditional labels and job descriptions I don’t yet know of any couple where the norm works for them.
Do you know your role? Are you happy with your job description?
I remember so many people being disgusted about Fifty Shades of Grey and yet one thing that I really admired about Mr Grey is that he was really clear what he wanted and needed from his relationships.
Anastasia was also clear of what she was prepared to do or not do.
For those that read all 3 books you will know that once she became equally clear and confident of what she wanted they created a relationship that worked for them. A relationship that is not governed by what other people think but based on what works for them as a partnership. I am not writing this into this blog to start a discussion about what is appropriate in a marriage or how the film is demeaning of women so please be mindful that I am not even going to engage with what is right or wrong.
Power of knowing what you want
What I want you to become curious about is the power of knowing what you want and need from a relationship. In this book I know it is extreme and it stretches all of our boundaries of what is loving and acceptable and I believe there are many lessons to be learned. In the many years I have coached partnerships both in business and personal fail they often struggle if they are not able to articulate what they want and need. A lack of clarity about what your role is and how to use your strengths to the maximum can result in resentment and frustration. Then what tends to follow are hints, nagging or complaining because you have a sense you don’t have what you want and either you don’t know what you want or you don’t believe you can have what you want.
Having a clear open channel of communication means that Mark and I are willing to update our model of what is working and what is not working.
Mark and I have developed a number of metaphors over the years that have helped us to understand our roles and allowed us to know how to support each other appropriately.
White water rafts or lazy river
One of which was about money management – sorry yes I am bringing this back to black and white and no more Gray for the rest of the article today.
Money was tight and we were juggling credit cards. I felt like it was all my fault for giving up work to be a stay at home mum and then by starting this business it felt like I was just costing us money not making us money.
I felt like I was on a white water raft and constantly fighting flying over the whereas when I asked what was happening for Mark he said it felt like it was like a ride on a lazy river. At first I felt a bit frustrated that he had it easy and that I was being left to fight/organise the money battle on my own.
Fortunately Mark was equipped with a strength and solution focused question:
What would I like to have happen?
My response to the question was I would like to know you have my back and that you have hold of at least one life line. I don’t want to feel like managing the money is down to me alone because if I have to make all the decisions I feel like it is all my fault when we don’t have enough.
The life line transpired to be monthly meeting to review the finances together and for Mark to have a separate account for personal spending that I did not need to worry about.
Now I can stay on the white water raft and he can happily float on the lazy boat and the money is organised using both our strengths. I can work at my pace and he at his.
It is a number of metaphors like this that have supported us to communicate more effectively with each other and every day we are getting even clearer about our expectations of ourselves and each other.
It is a work in progress and the more we explore what we ‘really’ want our marriage to be like – the closer we become and it is a very exciting journey to be on and we are pleased to share what has worked for us to get us to this point with you.
The power of metaphors?
For Mark it makes it much easier to understand the emotional stuff that I am downloading if I can express it metaphorically and when he is able to express how he feels as a metaphor we find we can create a joint solution easier.
I would love to have your Feedback
What worked about this article?
What didn’t work?
What needs to happen for it to work better for you?
Thank you in advance
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met and was often hurt by the feedback and opinions of others.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Free Step By Step Listening Guide
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media
Proud Member of BNI Uplands
Day 16 – Tired – 31 Day Summer Writing Challenged
Today I was up at 4.14am – I woke startled because I suddenly realised I had not heard from my 17 year old son Liam.
Liam was travelling home late after working with Chef Gary and I had asked him to let me know when he was on the train at Winchester. Mainly because I would have gone to pick him up if he missed the last train for any reason.
I woke to discover he had sent me a text at 23.51 ( which I did not hear despite being on loud next to my head – worrying on so many levels)
He had acknowledged he would send me a text when he was on the train but it was now 4.14am and there was no other text. I jumped out of bed, knocked my glass of water and then a sigh of relief as I look in on him and find he is in bed safe. (turns out he did send me a second text but I didn’t get it – the joys of technology)
Once wide awake I did some writing for 2 hours and achieved 1500 words – I enjoyed writing about how Mark and I developed our decision making model.
This is an old video that shows our models.
Hope you have had a great Sunday.
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met and was often hurt by the feedback and opinions of others.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Free Step By Step Listening Guide
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media
Proud Member of BNI Uplands
Day 15 – Take Your Own Advice – 31 Day Summer Writing Challenge
Okay so I had 4 days without writing and 2 days without blogging.
Does it really matter? The truth is no. Why not? Because I have a plan. Continue reading Day 15 – Take Your Own Advice – 31 Day Summer Writing Challenge
Day 11 – It Isn’t About The Gender? – 31 Day Summer Writing Challenge
One of the most controversial discussions so far has been the title. “Training him to listen and her not to nag”
Taking photos improves my memory of the great life I have.
There had been some discussion previously about how I couldn’t go on a Tuesday night ride because it is a lad’s night which I am aware influenced the gender reference and yet the truth I am one for taking photos and it is untrue to assume every female mountain biking will stop to take photos.
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met despite the fact she could and would encourage everyone else to do exactly that. A series of 3 events in her personal life forced her to stop and learn how to take her own advice.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to you to do more of what you love, delegate what you don’t and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Sheryl openly shares an easy to adopt communication tool kit that will transform the way you think and train others to listen. Sheryl will be your strength and solution detective until you have fully trained your inner critic and those around you, to listen in a way that motivates and inspires you to be the best you can be.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Free Step By Step Listening Guide
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media
Proud Member of BNI Uplands
Day 10 – Learning To Say NO – 31 day Summer Writing Challenge
No matter how busy I am, I am never too busy for you. And sometimes I have to say no – but not today.
Day 10 – 31 day Summer Writing Challenge supported by Karen Williams of Self Discovery Coaching
Something had to give today. I had to say No to something. My friend needed some help and so did my son and client work that could not be postponed. I have felt pulled from pillar to post and ………. Continue reading Day 10 – Learning To Say NO – 31 day Summer Writing Challenge
Day 9 – The Power Of Reviewing – Summer Writing Challenge
Part of our cycle route
Day 9 – 31 day Summer Writing Challenge supported by Karen Williams of Self Discovery Coaching
Up at 8am and wrote for 3 hours. Continue reading Day 9 – The Power Of Reviewing – Summer Writing Challenge
Day 7 – 31 Day Summer Writing Day Challenge – Focus On Strengths
The plan
My 7th Wedding Anniversary today – when I woke today all I really wanted to today is celebrate my marriage by spending time with Mark. Poor planning I did not schedule the day off…
I have client follow up and a video for the website to achieve. And an appointment in Petersfield lunchtime. So I am not planning to write today.
What actually happened?
Website pages are all submitted to my web designer and I ‘think’ we are ready for a launch Monday or Tuesday next week. I did write 300- 400 words, mainly titles and headings.
The break away from the home was life changing. I had a session with Catherine Daley which was absolutely where I needed to be and have let go of some ‘big’ barriers and clarified a few things about my purpose on this planet.
Anniversary Flowers – even when I said not to bother ..
Mark didn’t listen to me which has inspired a page for tomorrow’s writing day which will be all the things I am glad he didn’t listen to like:
Don’t spend too much – and I received diamond earrings that I have worn nearly every day since
Let’s not bother with anniversary cards – he orders a bouquet of flowers
Leave me alone – and he came up to me and put his arm around me
On that note I haven’t done the follow up with the my client and so I will do that tomorrow and now I am off out to celebrate 7 wonderful years with Mark.
Happy Friday all xx
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met despite the fact she could and would encourage everyone else to do exactly that. A series of 3 events in her personal life forced her to stop and learn how to take her own advice.
Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to you to do more of what you love, delegate what you don’t and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Sheryl openly shares an easy to adopt communication tool kit that will transform the way you think and train others to listen. Sheryl will be your strength and solution detective until you have fully trained your inner critic and those around you, to listen in a way that motivates and inspires you to be the best you can be.
Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
Free Step By Step Listening Guide
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media
Proud Member of BNI Uplands
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