10 Ways To Be Tactful When Pointing Out Faults

how to improve communication and collaborations I was recently presenting at Business Builders and I was asked a number of questions one of which was “Sheryl can you tell me ways to be tactful when pointing out faults?”

That got me thinking what are the ways to be tactful when pointing out a fault. Below I have come up with 10.

Can you come up with ways that work for you?  What has happened for you when someone has been tactful and pointed out a fault?

In my personal experience the only time it has ‘felt’ tactful is when I absolutely trusted they had my best intention at heart. That they cared about me and their only reason for communicating a fault was to try and help me in someway. Continue reading 10 Ways To Be Tactful When Pointing Out Faults

What Is Clean Language?

What is Clean Language?

Clean Language is a questioning technique designed by David Grove in the 1980’s, who gave it a way on a generosity framework. As a psychotherapist he recognised when looking at many transcribes that the way a question was constructed influenced the ability of any given patient to answer. The ability to answer then influenced the patient’s ability to develop solutions and understanding.

With this in mind David cleaned up the questions, stripping them of any leading and where ever possible reduced the assumption. Let me put this in context for you.

When I ask the question what do you need to do to grow your business?

This question is ‘loaded’ with the assumption you have to ‘do’ something where as you might need to be more confident or have more time. This also assumes you want to grow your business.

 

So a clean way of asking the above questions would be:

And when business what would you like to have happen?

Clean Language is a framework of questions and principles that focus your attention on:

  • What you would like to have happen rather than what you don’t want to have happen
  • Resources and strengths you have already that maybe useful to achieve that outcome
  • Patterns that will give you greater clarity and understanding of ‘how’ you work and learn

The affect of asking Clean Language questions with a clean intention is that you:

  • Reduce the assumptions
  • Increase understanding

Clean Language questions and intention are one of the most efficient ways to resource an individual to resource themselves.

The principles of the process assumes the individual to have all the resources they need to solve the problem.

As a Clean Language facilitator we are trained to ask questions we don’t know the answer to but we think there is a good chance the other person will. Questions that are following the logic of the client rather than that of the facilitator.

It is not like any normal conversation and is a unique space to share with another human being – honouring and respecting everything they say or do. Never giving an opinion, suggestion or feedback even when asked.

David talked about giving all information equal opportunity. Not seeing anything as good or bad, negative or positive just information.

 

David Grove went onto to develop an awareness that we often talk in metaphor approximately once every 6 words and that these metaphors could be ‘brought to life’ if developed.

When you ask Clean questions of a metaphor, as though the metaphor were real it can give the individual the opportunity to really understand complex matters that are often hard to articulate with words alone.

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I can’t find the words to describe it”

Metaphors can bridge the gap between language and hard to articulate subjects like your emotions.

Metaphors can make it easier to understand ourselves and therefore make it easier for us to make ourselves understood.

I originally trained in Clean Language because I wanted to excel as a coach. I wanted to be the best facilitator I could be, little did I know the impact that would have on both my business, my family and me personally.

I would like to thank Marian Way of  Clean Learning and author of Clean Approaches for Coaches for introducing me to this wonderful process.

Marian was trained by Penny Tompkins and James Lawley, psychotherapist themselves who followed David Grove’s work and modelled ‘how’ is was asking the questions. They then developed a system to train individuals how to ask the clean language questions, this process is called “Symbolic Modelling” and you can find out more here Clean Language

Alongside this Caitlin Walker of Training Attention also met David Grove while working with youths in central London. Although the principles are the same in terms of questions and ethos her experience of how to practically apply it was  different.

Caitlin was working in a completely different arena and therefore had to adapt the way the questions were introduced and asked. Caitlin over 10 years has developed a way of working with groups using Clean Language questions and principles and this process is called ‘Systemic Modelling’.  You can find out more about Caitlin’s journey here and her book from Contempt to Curiosity.

At Step by Step Listening we now work with businesses, families and individuals who want to develop their own bespoke strategies to speak up and be heard without fear of upsetting others.

Sheryl – The Strength and Solution Detective
Supporting you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t

Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage your critic – from Overwhelm to clarity in 7 steps

If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happy set you up for success. I might be part of the solution you need and I might not but you will you know your next best step. Or you can thickpaperbackfront_FinalPurchase a copy of my book here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detectivedetective-happy-smaller

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.

Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.

Free Guide Success Without Stress

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What Happens At A Silent Retreat?

Sponsored Silent Retreat

Sponsored Silent Retreat 21st Jan 2017

I am so chuffed with the sponsored silent retreat this weekend. It was amazing and I feel so blessed to have such lovely people to spend time with.

The learning was massive for me personally and as the week progresses more insights transpire.
At the end of the day we chatted and it was interesting to notice how different the experience was for each of those attending.
I am sure over the next few weeks we will start to notice little things about ourselves and others and I trust that this will improve the way we each listen to ourselves and others. Being always more and more mindful of the judgements and assumptions we make with our sweeping statements and lack of curiosity and willingness to ask questions to gain clarity.
I really do feel it is my purpose to change the way the world listens because I truly believe everyone deserves to feel heard, understood and of value. And some of that is down to individuals taking time to listen to and understand themselves. If you don’t know yourself how can you possible expect anyone else to get you. If you don’t take time to listen to your own internal dialogue how can you possibly have a clear head to listen and make sense of those around you. And it is up to us to make ourselves available to listen to those around us both at work at and at home. If each of us were listening better to 6- 7 people I think there would be far less conflict.
And listening is not as simple as staying quiet that is the first step. But then you have to learn to manage your own emotional triggers, keep your emotions in check and ask questions that help the other person gain clarity. If you want to be a better manager, better parent or you just want to be better in a group then do check out the next Motivate Manage or Mentor retreat – 3 days dedicated to setting you up for success and giving you time and space to develop your listening skills. Resourcing you to be more confident to ask questions and more able to set yourself up for feedback that helps you grow.
Funds Raised – 21st Jan 2017 Silent Retreat
I am so pleased with how much money we raised because friends and family really didn’t believe the chatter boxes could keep quiet for 10 hours. People actually think because I talk to think that I can’t be quiet but I often spend time quiet it’s just that people don’t often get frustrated when someone is listening – they are more likely to get frustrated when they want quiet or they want to talk so they remember that but overlook the times when we listen. And the quiet ones seemed to find it much harder. Avoiding eye contact and constantly checking the time. —Interesting eh!
Challenges
The most challenging part for me was when I had an accident and cut the back of my ankle. At first I thought it was pretty serious. I was then stuck with the dilemma do I put my needs above the need of raising money for those in greater need than I.
16195512_10158025058735231_5907314461294175101_nFortunately I took time to lie and sit with the injury to check in and listen to myself. This gave me time to get out of drama and stop thinking or making decisions from a place of fear and survival.
Then I could decide whether I needed to talk or not. It was really challenging not be able to speak about my fears and concerns because I am someone that talks to think.
It really brought it home to me how those in our community might feel when they are so scared to tell anyone what is happening at home. That feeling of isolation in that moment brought a tear or two and this photo is of me as the tears ‘quietly’ ran down my face and I tried to hide my pain from everyone else. By now everyone had returned to the other room and I felt really alone. (Mark was there taking photos and checking I was okay – but he could talk and I couldn’t)
Business Owners can feel alone too
I think business owners and parents can become equally isolated when they feel that it is only them with a particular problem or challenge. That is why I am so open about how I feel and the challenges I experience. I want you to know it is not just you. Changing habits and behaviour is challenging and it can be uncomfortable but it is possible with support.
That is why I am on a mission to change the way the world listens ..because everyone absolutely everyone deserves to feel heard, understood and of value.

Below is quite an emotional video from me after the event and one with the lovely ladies that have now brought the fundraising to a grand total of £1089 with gift aids included. A massive thank you to you all. xx

We need to raise £1666 per month to be on track to raise £20,000 and I really think we can do it. If you would like to get involved we have 10 more silent retreat days and you can find them all here

Sheryl – The Strength and Solution Detective
Supporting you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t

Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage your critic – from Overwhelm to clarity in 7 steps

If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happy set you up for success. I might be part of the solution you need and I might not but you will you know your next best step. Or you can thickpaperbackfront_FinalPurchase a copy of my book here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detectivedetective-happy-smaller

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.

Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.

Free Motivational Newsletter

Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media

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Linked in

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Step by Step Listening You Tube Channel

My Critic Says Get Off Social Media – My Detective Says………….

I love sharing free resources on line via social media, videos, blogs and my newsletter because I know not everyone is ready to invest in my service and I don’t want those people to suffer.
I want them to be free of that internal chatter that drives them around the bend and keeps them up at night. I hate the idea of them being stuck with a decision when I have the tools and resources to release them of that burden. And I know like me they may well have a critic that is saying “You can’t afford that? Or you don’t have time?”

Continue reading My Critic Says Get Off Social Media – My Detective Says………….

Why Would I Swim In The Sea In The Middle Of The UK Winter?

Why did I take the plunge in the winter water’s on New Year’s day?
I could give you 3 succinct answers like:
  1. To raise money for my chosen charities -to find out more you can click here
  2. To breakdown barriers in my own head of the limitations I have of my own abilitiesFund Raising
  3. To raise awareness of those that feel cold and isolated in our community because they don’t fit into the norm and don’t know who to talk to.

And for many of you that is enough information. But for those that are more interested in how I make these decisions and how I manage my critic and get out of my own way,  I have attempted to consolidate some of my thoughts in this article.

The truth is more complex then 3 reasons or 3 steps and  when I really take time to listen to my own thoughts I realise their were many layers of foundations that had been laid to empower me to make the decision quite quickly and carry it out with minimal fuss.

It was on the surface an instant decision to sign up. I didn’t really think much about whether I should or should not. I just knew it was the right thing to do, so I did it.

How did I know?

This article is a combination of my thinking pre event, during the event, post event and now with a little more time to reflect.

I am constantly fascinated by our decision making process as humans which is probably why I love working with my client to help them make decisions they have confidence in.

I love running the Do, delegate or ditch programme and my next book will be sharing stories and examples of how you can connect and collaborate better when you know how to make good decisions. The more fun decision making becomes for me and my clients the easier life becomes. Your decision making process is impacting what you say yes to, what you eat, whether you exercise or not, whether you ask for the business, whether you sleep ..the list goes on. So getting good at decision making is in my opinion one of the most fascinating and rewarding personal development tasks you could undertake.

My process

Past conversations and desires

I had heard of the News Year Day Dip so it was familiar. I knew what to expect in terms of location and environment. I have lived here for 49 years and I have thought about doing it before but never taken action. So why this year? The truth is that before I had no reason too, but this year I have set myself the fund raising challenge and so this gave me the reason why. Another reason is that I have always wanted and needed to do ‘things’ like this with people and I knew that this year I had to learn to be able to push myself and do things on my own more.

I have a love of water and swimming so that played a part too. I use to swim for a club as a child and I even trained in this very sea mid October when in my teens. I had also dreamed of swimming the channel to France when I was younger. I never had dreams or aspirations to be a fireman or a nurse I always saw myself in a field doing something in Africa for charity. So this event whilst not quite on the scale of my initial dreams did tick all those boxes. Again it was familiar.

Relationships

After I made the decision and publicly committed to it,  then I started to think about the relationship with my charity challenge.

Social media gives us more and more space to show our good sides and etiquette suggests we don’t complain or rant on line. My fund raising is for those in our community that often lose their voice due to domestic violence or because their children don’t behave how society deems to be the norm and so they find themselves isolated and stuck at home with their children. 

And for my clients social media can sometimes leave them feeling like everyone else has a perfect life. When in reality life is tough. We have bereavement, divorce, job losses and every day changes that impact us all. And each of us, has our unique way of responding. Having one person in your life that can listen without judgement can be all the support you need to move from overwhelm to clarity.
I also started to realise that many people would find the thought of winter swimming or any swimming to be difficult and they might benefit if I were to share what this decision was like for me.  I have to admit at this point my critic did have something to say. I worried if the challenge was not going to push me then why would people pay me to do it. So I found myself thinking about how cold it would be and how I might suffer. The reality is that I found it quite easy. I do have support and I had drive and I had confidence in my ability to manage myself. I also had no expectation to stay in the water longer than felt safe or comfortable.
I wrote this paragraph a few days before actually doing the dip…
 
For the few seconds that I dip into the water I will be alone. It will be down to my own mind set and thoughts that will determine if I can get over the fear and do it. But it will be the energy of those cheering me on that gives me courage and your donations will help me remember the short term pain is worth the long term gain.  Please donate if you think I am mad but also donate if you think I can make a difference. You have your part to play and so do I. When you donate it encourages me and the charities get the money instantly. Now what I forgot to do was collect money in advance. So on the day at the time of taking the dip I had received a message from one person saying they would donate and one other person who pledged £10 so I hadn’t actually raised much so I had to find a different focus.
The thoughts kept creeping into my head that I was an idiot for swimming in the sea in winter and that I wouldn’t raise much because I hadn’t promoted it enough or because it wasn’t that much of a stretch.
Here is a video I took the morning of the event.

My thoughts
As I entered the water, I was surprised that it was not as cold as I had feared. My body adjusted quite quickly. The world went really quiet as I checked in with my body and checked I was okay. Then that silence was broken as others entered the water screaming, laughing and cheering.
I noticed people holding hands, looking at their friends and it was at this moment that I felt completely alone amidst all the other fund raisers. I was not part of a team. Many of the cheerleaders I had depended on did not make it, those that I knew were doing the dip I had not found before the event started. (note to self I did not arrange a meet up point) I did however have my mother in law Joyce and my husband Mark.
Joyce at this point was guarding my bags and my towel and out of sight. Mark was on the beach filming. I found myself searching the beach to gain eye contact. I gave him a wave and then wondered what I am supposed to do now. It was not as bad as I thought, I was quite comfortable and I had no one to talk to about how it felt which is how I make most of my decisions. I was alone.  So I waited for a bit, waved my hands around in the water, watched some of the others, then when I didn’t know what else to do – I followed a stream of people who were getting out. Next year I will actually go for a swim. I am a strong swimmer and there is no reason I couldn’t have gone for a 5 minute swim. Here is the video Mark took of me and I am so grateful that he was on the shore filming as I now have a permanent record of this achievement. I am in green T- Shirt bottom right hand corner and I wave at Mark when I find him at 1 mins 47 seconds. (Mark doesn’t realise for a minute or so that I have got out)

What I learned
As an entrepreneur I am blessed to have a family that encourage me not to give up and believe that I have worked too hard to stop now. (Yes I have been known to say “Should I just get a job?)
I so need that encouragement and that has to be in synergy with other entrepreneurs who fully understand the pain and emotional roller coaster being self-employed sends you on. And I need the support of those more experienced than me to give me insights and understanding of different ways of approaching the same thing. But at the end of the day the person that has to take action is me. When I was in the water I got out because that was what others were doing. Had I really listened to myself before the event I would have thought about what would be a good stretch for me? What would I be happy with? Then with that clarity I could have made a decision to get out when it met with my own criteria not just because that was what everyone else was doing.
When I do this swim again instead of searching for someone to smile at or talk to. I am going to swim and truly embrace the liberation of being at one with nature for those few minutes. Instead of searching for approval and connection outside I am going to focus on connection with myself and because I have the video I know that I was in the water for 60 seconds and next year I can look to improve on that. I am really proud of the fact I just got straight in and didn’t mess around and now I have to develop staying in for longer.
In business and life it can be so easy to follow the crowd – our brains are hard wired to fit into the pack and keep us  safe. And we all have the potential to lead the pack. For too many years I have followed the norm and this dip gave me a physical experience and reminder when I don’t know what I want then I follow the crowd.  Fortunately this crowd were heading towards the showers kindly provided by the fire brigade and I knew I wanted to be there.
Reflection
In the afternoon of that day I was exhausted. My face was glowing and I started to realise just how much effort it had taken to do that event on my own.  Swimming in the sea wasn’t the challenge for me. The challenge was isolation and doing it alone (yes I know 500 other people did it with me but they weren’t ‘with me’ in my head) They didn’t know me personally. They didn’t know who I was raising money for or why it mattered.  The more I reflect the more I learn and the more fun I can have with future decisions. But I think this video below really sums up how it felt in the moment so I will keep my focus on the energy and pleasure I express. This is me being me. If this article has inspired you please do leave comment and better still share it and if you feel compelled to donate that would make my day.

Professional Listeners
Professional listeners are vital in a world that is becoming so fast and to some extent so exposed. It can seem at times that you have to be positive and happy all the time, but the reality is that stuff happens that makes us sad, mad or even angry and being able to safely express those emotions allows us to understand them and process them. This in turn gives us space for clarity, and confidence to grow.
I am here to listen to you if sometimes you find yourself wondering who is listening to you.
If you find yourself under resourced and you would like to know how to manage your critic then I am here to support you. The world needs more non-judgmental listeners and my mission is to ensure that every business owner that is committed to listening has the right support to keep them motivated and inspired to grow. I want you to attract more clients and if it is your aspiration I would like to support you to develop a team that inspires and supports you.

I want you to get your message out to the world and for your business to grow in such a way that also gives you time for your loved ones.

Thank you in advance for any donations- you can donate here

 I am also donating £2 from every book sold in the next 12 months to these charities. You can purchase a copy of your book here
Sheryl – The Strength and Solution Detective
Supporting you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t
 

Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage your critic – from Overwhelm to clarity in 7 steps

If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happy set you up for success. I might be part of the solution you need and I might not but you will you know your next best step. Or you can thickpaperbackfront_FinalPurchase a copy of my book here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detectivedetective-happy-smaller

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.

Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.

Free Guide Success Without Stress

Free Motivational Newsletter

Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media

Twitter

Linked in

Facebook Business

Step by Step Listening You Tube Channel

 

What Happens At A Book Launch?

thickpaperbackfront_FinalWell the short answer is -whatever you want.

For me it was about thanking those that had supported my journey. There were times on my journey as a coach that I had absolute clarity and confidence. I knew my purpose and I had a clear vision and everything went really well.

Then a few set backs in my personal life  and I started seeking reassurance outside. Before long I was overwhelmed with choice, advise and wisdom. And I lost my way.

The book writing process reminded me of what I knew, what I did differently and it forced me to stop and really tune into what mattered and who mattered to me. It turns out that nothing I have done has been a waste of time or for nothing. Everything taught me something. Continue reading What Happens At A Book Launch?

Why I Work When On Holiday?

sunset day 1Many of my friends and family think there is something is wrong with me because I work on holiday. When I have talked to them it is because for them work is work, and home is home and holiday’s are holidays – all thoughts relating to them are very neatly organised in their very own seperate boxes. Putting things in boxes can be a great strategy and it definitely works for many situations. In fact it works for Mark my husband. Continue reading Why I Work When On Holiday?

Are You Procrastinating Over Promoting Your Events?

14937251_10157686318885597_4329108487083319202_nIt is interesting as I sit in Australia reflecting on my journey as an author, I remember a few weeks ago I was procrastinating about inviting people and generally promoting the book launch. Now that might not seem unusual to some, but I normally love promoting events that bring people together. I love connecting people and I love empowering my clients to talk about their own events with clarity and confidence, so I was surprised and a little frustrated that I wasn’t doing that for myself.

Do you have any tasks on your to do list that your are currently procrastinating about?

Do you find there are things that you are great at doing for your clients but never seem to do so well for your own business?

Manage Your Critic Continue reading Are You Procrastinating Over Promoting Your Events?

Why Trying To Please Everyone Will Put You Out of Business?

Getting clear who you are here to serve will ensure when you communicate you communicate with passion and confidence.

Your audience will trust you more and that can drastically improve your success rate. When done well, it also means that you will alienate some people. Those that are not ready for, or ever meant to learn from you will tell you that you are wrong. They will disagree with you. Continue reading Why Trying To Please Everyone Will Put You Out of Business?

When Does Niching Not Work?

www.themousethatroars.com/criticAs a coach you are told to niche and I thought niching would solve all my problems. I wanted to attract clients  with ease.

When I finished my training they told me to niche and I understood the purpose and intention for doing this so as a ‘good girl’ I did as I was told. I chose to market myself as a mums and daughter relationship coach. And it did work. I started to gain the reputation as the go to person for mums and daughters and soon referrals from networking and clients started to arrive. I was attracting not chasing clients.

Chose your niche carefully

My mum had died a few years earlier.  I had no idea the impact coaching other mums and daughter woudl have on me as I continued through my grieving process. Slowly but surely,  piece by piece my self esteem was being eroded. As I watched my clients creating a beautiful bond with their mum I became angry, hurt and even resentful. I felt guilt and a sense of failing. I knew I could never have that kind of relationship with my own mum and it broke my heart.

Being reminded every day my chance had gone. I couldn’t go back and be the difference I needed to be to connect us in a loving bond. No one told me that I should be careful which niche I chose and the impact telling that story over and over would have.  No one said remember when you create a niche you will be telling that story for the rest of your life.

Imagine having to say over and over again that you failed to love your own mum without judgement or contempt and then setting others up to love unconditionally and open heartedly.

When I did a great job, I would smile on the outside but inside I was grieving.

Then as I hit the teens with my own daughter, I struggled. I felt a failure because of my own relationship with my mum and lost sight of the good job I was doing with my clients. With my own self confidence in tatters I was not strong enough to support my daughter through her teens. It became all about me and I was not able to park my needs to give her the stability she needed to negotiate change.

With my own self esteem at an all time low, my relationship with my daughter struggling I soon started to feel like a fraud promoting myself as a mums and daughter relationship coach.

Not to mention that a pattern had emerged that many of the mums who were wanting a better relationship with their daughters were also struggling at work or in their personal relationships. They didn’t feel valued or like they mattered. Their life seemed to lack direction and purpose.

I soon found myself pulling on my sales and motivation skills as well as my coaching skills to support these women to grow their business and understanding of how they mattered, how they added value and how they made a difference.

By now my clients were referring clients to me and now I seemed to attract clients who want to work evenings and weekends and that took me away from my own family.

I hit a brickwall and I knew something had to change.

With this in mind I pulled away from mums and daughters and played with various other titles such as business coach or communication coach. Without a clear niche clients no longer gravitated towards me.  My existing clients stopped referring clients to me because they became confused was I  helping mums and daughters or businesses?

I was flundering and felt alone.

I knew I had to be clear on my niche and I had to get my message clear. I had to know who I was on this planet to serve and which story was I happy to share over and over again.

But I had lost confidence in my own message and what I did that was of value. Now my business stopped being profitable so not only was I failing as a mother, I was also failing in business too.

It was as though my critic had completely forgotton all those clients I had already supported and inspired which at the time was in the hundreds and that without income I had no value.

Niching works

As many of you know I have worked with book  mentor Karen to write my book Manage your critic. 

And in the early days I coached Karen when she was writing her first book to manage the overwhelm that was causing her to feel like she was on an emotional rollercoaster and we have always stayed in touch and suported each other. Over the years I observed her and noticed that she didn’t pick a niche but more her niche found her. As she wrote her second and third book clients started asking her how she did it and then she rebranded as Librotas The Book Mentor.  I watched the magic happen. The clients knew what she did and the clients were attracted to her.

But it is more than that. When I listen to Karen and she says I am a writer, she truly connects with that identity. When she says out loud, “I am a writer” her eyes light up and she shines from the inside out. That was what the clients were gravitating towards. It was her energy and her confidence.

I wanted that. I wanted potential clients to understand what I did and how I could help them.

Having committed the last 12 months to working with Karen to write my first book my message is much clearer. I am on the planet to help you to be heard, understood and valued. I am hear to show you how to manage your own critic so that you can listen to and ask questions from a place of curiosity not contempt. And it is my hope and aspiration that you will discover how to attract the kind of clients that will allow you to do your best work and live your best life.

I want you to have the income and the time to be with your family and friends having more fun than you ever thought possible.

I truly believe listening skills are vital to your success and learning how to manage your critic to move you and others from overwhelm to clarity is the first step to understanding what you want and need to work and live at your best with others.

When I work with clients I pay attention to when your eyes light up and that is something you cannot see or hear for yourself. That is why it is so important you have someone ‘outside’ of you to observe your patterns, behavoiurs and language so that you can truly tune into what you want and what works for you. Learning to attract clients that will value your story and will build your confidence not destroy it is important. There will be people who resonate with you and those that don’t and learning to differentiate who you are wanting to attract means you don’t get side tracked by feedback that is not relevant to your mission, purpose and vision.

What have you learned reading this article? What would you like to have happen next?

It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside when you comment. It makes me feel like I am writing to you personally and not just talking to myself so please do share below your thoughts. Even if you don’t agree with me I want to know and if you do agree with me I am also interested.

And feel free to join us in the Facebook group Clarity confidence and change.

If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happily set you up for success. I might be part of the support you need and I might not be but either way you will you know your next best step.

Or find out more about how to manage your critic in 21 days with our on line library and webinars that explain why the critic occurs and practical ways to manage it.

About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detectivehow to improve listening skills

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.

Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.

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