A Pathway to Peace

A pathway to peace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This week I was very honored to share space with a gentlemen who will remain anonymous but for whom I am really grateful to have met.

We met just 4 months ago at  local networking event. He instantly resonated with something I had said in my 60 seconds and we arranged to a call to chat some more. 3 sessions later we were sat in my office celebrating the change he had achieved.

I asked; “What was happening for you when we met?

He said “I felt lost and in a place I didn’t want to be. I didn’t know where to go or where to turn. The future felt hopeless and I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then the universe put you in front of me” Continue reading A Pathway to Peace

I Just Don’t Want To Talk About It

I Just Don’t Want To Talk About It

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We often hear people say it is good to talk; but sometimes it really isn’t. Sometimes it is best for us to take time to clarify our thoughts before we speak and yet so many tell us to talk about how we feel. Some like me talk to think; and others think to talk.

External processors

For the external processors like me it is often quite useful to talk out what we are thinking but the person listening needs to have a thick skin. They need to be able to listen to things without taking them personally. They need to be able to listen without judging that I am waffling and not getting to the point fast enough or complaining that what I am saying makes no sense. I am not talking for you to understand; I am talking for me to do understand. I am quite often metaphorically sorting through my thoughts and all I need is for someone to ask questions and repeat back something I have said to help me notice what I am actually saying. But it doesn’t work to interrupt and correct me. Continue reading I Just Don’t Want To Talk About It

Healing My Heart

Healing My Heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

My painting of comfort and joy

Today is a quiet day for me. My heart feels so much better already and I am now mentally prepared to hear whatever the Dr’s have to say. I feel okay. I am no longer scared I now see hospital and their teams as part of my support network. Thank you to everyone who stepped forward and helped.

Thank you to everyone who stepped back and gave me space. 
I know it wasn’t easy for many of you as many would have wanted to be able to ‘do’ something and yet your doing nothing was your something. It gave me space and time to be.

Continue reading Healing My Heart

My Heart Is Broken

My Heart Is Broken

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those that don’t know yet I was recently told that the bottom of my heart is not working properly; it is not opening fully. Whilst I know the medical profession are talking about the ‘physical’ heart and I am working with them to heal that on a physical level; by resting, changing my food and lifestyle.

I am also being curious about what am I not opening up my heart to right now or what or who am I holding in my heart right now that is causing this heaviness. Or what am I opening my heart to that could damage it; both physically and emotionally. I am really listening to what my body and heart are trying to tell me that I am not hearing or didn’t hear? In this moment I am so grateful for knowing what kind of listening I need and who is best to provide it and to be able to ask for the support I need in this moment. Continue reading My Heart Is Broken

Many Rooms Within Us

The Listening Experience

One of the most amazing rewards of being a trained listener is that I get to listen to some amazing people; who have the most amazing resources within them. As they tap into their inner wisdom the words flow and sometimes they are their own words; sometimes they are words from something they have read or heard that captures how they feel; other times they cannot be sure of the source only that the words make sense of their own experience now in this moment.

You may have read my recent article called “You welcomed me” written by one of my clients who wishes to remain anonymous. Continue reading Many Rooms Within Us

You Welcomed Me

 

 

 

You Welcomed Me

I recently I received this text from one of the ladies I met many years ago when I first set up my business. It started with a chat in my kitchen and she went on to attend some of our courses online.  I am so touched by her words to describe what happened and the impact of our time together that I wanted to share with you as a reminder of how important it is that we have time, patience and resilience to listen to those that matter to us most. Continue reading You Welcomed Me

How To Manage Resentment

How To Manage Resentment

Resentment in the dictionary is defined as “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.”

It was one of those emotions I often liked to pretend I did not experience because I just wanted to be seen as a lovely, kind and caring person inside and out.

But it really bloody hurts when you feel that you have been treated unfairly and often we are totally justified to feel resentment or resentful.  The difficulties come with what happens next. If you hang onto resentment almost denying that is how you feel it can fester inside. Therefore, how you process and then act on your emotions determines your efficiency and your effectiveness. Continue reading How To Manage Resentment

The Importance of Using Their Words Exactly

The Importance of Using Their Words Exactly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How many times have you said to someone or they have said to you; “You are not listening?”

So much frustration and overwhelm can be created simply because some speaks and feels completely frustrated that what they have said has been misunderstood.

Many relationships breakdown because our brain hears words, phrases and tones and assimilates it with what we already know and then completes the picture on auto pilot and then when we summarise what we heard often we add in our interpretation and tone.

We then get accused of not listening, when in fact we are listening but we are not necessarily leaving the other person feeling heard.

In this short video I talk about the importance of using their words exactly. I am aware when I watch this video back that this is role play and I am aware that summary is an extreme version and that your summaries might be more accurate.

The important thing to notice is whether the response you get is similar or not as the response we get is the only true calibration of what is working. Not everyone will tell you how it feels and some won’t ask for feedback for fear of what they might hear.

So often these thoughts are kept inside; slowly but surely undermining communications and relationships.

 

If you are keen to be the best manager, leader and or parent you can be and you want to develop your skills to Motivate, Manage or Mentor others;
Don’t miss our annual retreat where we explore listening, questioning and feedback skills and unravel what is holding you back from getting or giving the response you want.

Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective

Founder of Step by Step Listening, Sheryl Andrews has always been keen to create space where other people felt safe to speak their truth no matter what that was. She is well known for her ability to motivate manage and mentor others through change and loves nothing more than turning overwhelm into a clarity and confidence that change can and is happening.

But what many didn’t know is that in private behind closed doors she was not always able to do that for herself, she was fearful of upsetting others and often did not ask for her own needs to be met. She was no stranger to lapses in self- belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. A mother of a blended family of 5, a business owner and friend she was often surrounded by people who cared about her but she found it hard to ask for help. That was until she attended her own programme and learned how to educate those that support her in the art of listening that worked for her.

Sheryl and her team now runs retreats, one to one coaching and online group coaching course that provide you with a space and time to gain clarity, focus and direction whilst unraveling what is really holding you back and plan your next best step with confidence. For regular updates and examples of how listening skills can resource you to manage yourself, time and others through change check out Free Success without stress newsletter

 

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The Tone and Pace Of Your Questions Does Matter

the tone and pace of your questions does matter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the vital skills when it comes to managing ourselves and others through change is the art of asking good questions. In this short video I talk about tone and pace. (Yes it is a few years ago now but the content is as valid today as it was then 🙂 )

The invitation is to be curious about how your speed and tone might or might not be impacting someone else’s ability to respond. To work and live with others we have to be able to ask good questions and give someone else space to respond.

We can become frustrated when questions are left unanswered, not answered quickly enough or take our thinking somewhere we are not comfortable to share.

I know for me my brain can take things quite literally and make some weird and wonderful connections between what is heard and my existing map of the world.

The pace of a question can generate urgency in me that means that I forget to think and process before responding. And yet when I give myself time to think I have been accused of being dishonest and not speaking the truth.

Take a moment today and listen to the stories you have about questions and how they should or should not be answered.  Perhaps you think people that hesitate are not telling the truth, or that when you can’t answer quickly people will think you are stupid. The list goes on and I have heard many as our clients unravel the stories their critic tells them about how questions should be asked and or answered. And all those stories inhibit our ability to listen.

If you are keen to be the best manager, leader and or parent you can be and you want to develop your skills to Motivate, Manage or Mentor others;

Don’t miss our annual retreat where we explore listening, questioning and feedback skills and unravel what is holding you back from getting or giving the response you want.

Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective

Founder of Step by Step Listening, Sheryl Andrews has always been keen to create space where other people felt safe to speak their truth no matter what that was. She is well known for her ability to motivate manage and mentor others through change and loves nothing more than turning overwhelm into a clarity and confidence that change can and is happening.

But what many didn’t know is that in private behind closed doors she was not always able to do that for herself, she was fearful of upsetting others and often did not ask for her own needs to be met. She was no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. That was until she learned to train others to listen in a way that made it safe for her to ask for help and be herself.

Sheryl and her team now runs retreats, one to one coaching and online group coaching course that provide you with a space and time to gain clarity, focus and direction whilst unraveling what is really holding you back and plan your next best step with confidence. For regular updates and examples of how listening skills can resource you to manage yourself, time and others through change check out Free Success without stress newsletter

 

Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media

Twitter

Linked in

Facebook Business

Step by Step Listening

Manage your critic Facebook Community group

Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You

Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am sure like me and many others before us, you have decided on goals, written them down and maybe even made a beautiful vision board and produced a beautiful step by step plan and then nothing happens and so nothing changes.

Ironically so many then think planning is a waste of time when in fact the process of vision boards and planning are not the problem – instead it is how you decided on the goals in the first place.

Many blame time for not taking action but that is rarely the truth. What is happening is that we make a decision to use our time for something else; but sadly it is rarely a conscious decision. Instead it is driven by our subconscious thoughts and feelings that drive our behaviour. Continue reading Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You