The Importance of Using Their Words Exactly

The Importance of Using Their Words Exactly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How many times have you said to someone or they have said to you; “You are not listening?”

So much frustration and overwhelm can be created simply because some speaks and feels completely frustrated that what they have said has been misunderstood.

Many relationships breakdown because our brain hears words, phrases and tones and assimilates it with what we already know and then completes the picture on auto pilot and then when we summarise what we heard often we add in our interpretation and tone.

We then get accused of not listening, when in fact we are listening but we are not necessarily leaving the other person feeling heard.

In this short video I talk about the importance of using their words exactly. I am aware when I watch this video back that this is role play and I am aware that summary is an extreme version and that your summaries might be more accurate.

The important thing to notice is whether the response you get is similar or not as the response we get is the only true calibration of what is working. Not everyone will tell you how it feels and some won’t ask for feedback for fear of what they might hear.

So often these thoughts are kept inside; slowly but surely undermining communications and relationships.

 

If you are keen to be the best manager, leader and or parent you can be and you want to develop your skills to Motivate, Manage or Mentor others;
Don’t miss our annual retreat where we explore listening, questioning and feedback skills and unravel what is holding you back from getting or giving the response you want.

Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective

Founder of Step by Step Listening, Sheryl Andrews has always been keen to create space where other people felt safe to speak their truth no matter what that was. She is well known for her ability to motivate manage and mentor others through change and loves nothing more than turning overwhelm into a clarity and confidence that change can and is happening.

But what many didn’t know is that in private behind closed doors she was not always able to do that for herself, she was fearful of upsetting others and often did not ask for her own needs to be met. She was no stranger to lapses in self- belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. A mother of a blended family of 5, a business owner and friend she was often surrounded by people who cared about her but she found it hard to ask for help. That was until she attended her own programme and learned how to educate those that support her in the art of listening that worked for her.

Sheryl and her team now runs retreats, one to one coaching and online group coaching course that provide you with a space and time to gain clarity, focus and direction whilst unraveling what is really holding you back and plan your next best step with confidence. For regular updates and examples of how listening skills can resource you to manage yourself, time and others through change check out Free Success without stress newsletter

 

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The Tone and Pace Of Your Questions Does Matter

the tone and pace of your questions does matter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the vital skills when it comes to managing ourselves and others through change is the art of asking good questions. In this short video I talk about tone and pace. (Yes it is a few years ago now but the content is as valid today as it was then 🙂 )

The invitation is to be curious about how your speed and tone might or might not be impacting someone else’s ability to respond. To work and live with others we have to be able to ask good questions and give someone else space to respond.

We can become frustrated when questions are left unanswered, not answered quickly enough or take our thinking somewhere we are not comfortable to share.

I know for me my brain can take things quite literally and make some weird and wonderful connections between what is heard and my existing map of the world.

The pace of a question can generate urgency in me that means that I forget to think and process before responding. And yet when I give myself time to think I have been accused of being dishonest and not speaking the truth.

Take a moment today and listen to the stories you have about questions and how they should or should not be answered.  Perhaps you think people that hesitate are not telling the truth, or that when you can’t answer quickly people will think you are stupid. The list goes on and I have heard many as our clients unravel the stories their critic tells them about how questions should be asked and or answered. And all those stories inhibit our ability to listen.

If you are keen to be the best manager, leader and or parent you can be and you want to develop your skills to Motivate, Manage or Mentor others;

Don’t miss our annual retreat where we explore listening, questioning and feedback skills and unravel what is holding you back from getting or giving the response you want.

Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective

Founder of Step by Step Listening, Sheryl Andrews has always been keen to create space where other people felt safe to speak their truth no matter what that was. She is well known for her ability to motivate manage and mentor others through change and loves nothing more than turning overwhelm into a clarity and confidence that change can and is happening.

But what many didn’t know is that in private behind closed doors she was not always able to do that for herself, she was fearful of upsetting others and often did not ask for her own needs to be met. She was no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. That was until she learned to train others to listen in a way that made it safe for her to ask for help and be herself.

Sheryl and her team now runs retreats, one to one coaching and online group coaching course that provide you with a space and time to gain clarity, focus and direction whilst unraveling what is really holding you back and plan your next best step with confidence. For regular updates and examples of how listening skills can resource you to manage yourself, time and others through change check out Free Success without stress newsletter

 

Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media

Twitter

Linked in

Facebook Business

Step by Step Listening

Manage your critic Facebook Community group

Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You

I am sure like me and many others before us, you have decided on goals, written them down and maybe even made a beautiful vision board and produced a beautiful step by step plan and then nothing happens and so nothing changes.

Ironically so many then think planning is a waste of time when in fact the process of vision boards and planning are not the problem – instead it is how you decided on the goals in the first place.

Many blame time for not taking action but that is rarely the truth. What is happening is that we make a decision to use our time for something else; but sadly it is rarely a conscious decision. Instead it is driven by our subconscious thoughts and feelings that drive our behaviour. Continue reading Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You

Craving A Deeper Sense Of Connection

Craving A Deeper Sense Of Connection

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you craving a deeper sense of connection with self and others?

I talk to my clients and myself; about listening for and being consciously aware of the negative niggles. You know those under breath thoughts or throw away comments.

I am not sure if it is my age (51) and the fact my family are all grown up, or that the business is starting to take shape and my team can manage lots of things on my behalf or that I have had a number of bereavements recently but I do know that I am wanting more from my relationships. I don’t get pleasure from idle chat about the weather. Continue reading Craving A Deeper Sense Of Connection

How Do Professional Photos Improve Your Sales?

 

How Do Professional Photos Improve Your Sales?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Strength and Solution DetectiveAt the heart of every business is sales. Without clients you cannot do more of what you love.

So why is it important, in my opinion to have professional photos?

There is the obvious one, in that they are better quality and once you have invested in them, they will be at the right resolution for all kinds of marketing material such as pop up banners etc.

But for me, which probably won’t come as much of a surprise, it is more about the emotional side. When you work with a professional photographer, they know how to position you so that you get the best angle and how to use the light to work with your image. Continue reading How Do Professional Photos Improve Your Sales?

What Motivated Me To Write A Book To Build My Business?

What Motivated Me To Write A Book To Build My Business

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I would like to say that it was a well thought out business decision. But the reality is that I had always wanted to write ‘a’ book. I had this yearning deep down inside that said I was meant to write.

But then something held me back from acting on that desire. My critic worried that I would make a fool of myself. My critic said what if no one buys it. My critic worried I would get  in debt and focused on how much it would cost rather than the difference it would make to me both emotionally, physically and financially. Continue reading What Motivated Me To Write A Book To Build My Business?

Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity?

Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marian Jones – IT Project Manager, writer and self confessed introvert shares her tools and resources from now to wow..

As an introvert my home is my sanctuary, and it got me thinking about space and ambiance and I found myself asking the question: Does it really matter?

With the weather definitely turning more autumnal, my favourite space for recharging is definitely curled up in front of a roaring fire surrounded by candlelight. However, since I have been working with my coach  Sheryl Andrews, I have started to explore what else about that space makes it my favourite place. Continue reading Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity?

8 Reasons I Attend Maximise

At our latest leadership day at Women’s Business Club we explored how to maximise our position as club leaders and we spent a good couple of hours exploring the word maximise.

What did it mean to us?

 

What would we see and hear that would be our evidence that we were maximising the opportunities?

It got me thinking about everything that I gain from my membership and the annual conference Maximise.live

Just going to an event that is called Maximise is going to train your attention to think about maximising isn’t it? Or is that just me?

Now this is something to consider with any exhibition or event.  Continue reading 8 Reasons I Attend Maximise

10 Things I Want To Achieve In My Life Time

I am doing some real soul searching this week to make sure that all my current decisions are in line with my vision, mission and purpose.

I had written this list before and yet as I read it today there were some edits. I would love to share my thinking with you simply so you know a little about me and what matters to me. Then I would love to know what matters to you.

 

Continue reading 10 Things I Want To Achieve In My Life Time

How Do I Overcome Writer’s Block?

The truth is that I don’t know how ‘you’ overcome it but today this is what worked for me. Before I begin, let’s just clarify, what do we actually mean when we say; “I have writer’s block”

I imagine writers block like the author in the movie sat looking at the typewriter and nothing coming to mind. But mine wasn’t like that, in fact it rarely is.

Mine didn’t feel like a block it felt more like an inability to filter or block anything.

It was all coming out. I had the complete opposite of block, it was more like writing diarrhea. Sorry for that image, but it really did feel like it was pouring out and it felt like poo and my critic said as much. As soon as I notice my critic being critical I know it is worth checking in. Continue reading How Do I Overcome Writer’s Block?