10 Ways To Be Tactful When Pointing Out Faults
I was recently presenting at Business Builders and I was asked a number of questions one of which was “Sheryl can you tell me ways to be tactful when pointing out faults?”
That got me thinking what are the ways to be tactful when pointing out a fault. Below I have come up with 10.
Can you come up with ways that work for you? What has happened for you when someone has been tactful and pointed out a fault?
In my personal experience the only time it has ‘felt’ tactful is when I absolutely trusted they had my best intention at heart. That they cared about me and their only reason for communicating a fault was to try and help me in someway. Continue reading 10 Ways To Be Tactful When Pointing Out Faults
What Is Clean Language?
What is Clean Language?
Clean Language is a questioning technique designed by David Grove in the 1980’s, who gave it a way on a generosity framework. As a psychotherapist he recognised when looking at many transcribes that the way a question was constructed influenced the ability of any given patient to answer. The ability to answer then influenced the patient’s ability to develop solutions and understanding.
With this in mind David cleaned up the questions, stripping them of any leading and where ever possible reduced the assumption. Let me put this in context for you.
When I ask the question what do you need to do to grow your business?
This question is ‘loaded’ with the assumption you have to ‘do’ something where as you might need to be more confident or have more time. This also assumes you want to grow your business.
So a clean way of asking the above questions would be:
And when business what would you like to have happen?
Clean Language is a framework of questions and principles that focus your attention on:
- What you would like to have happen rather than what you don’t want to have happen
- Resources and strengths you have already that maybe useful to achieve that outcome
- Patterns that will give you greater clarity and understanding of ‘how’ you work and learn
The affect of asking Clean Language questions with a clean intention is that you:
- Reduce the assumptions
- Increase understanding
Clean Language questions and intention are one of the most efficient ways to resource an individual to resource themselves.
The principles of the process assumes the individual to have all the resources they need to solve the problem.
As a Clean Language facilitator we are trained to ask questions we don’t know the answer to but we think there is a good chance the other person will. Questions that are following the logic of the client rather than that of the facilitator.
It is not like any normal conversation and is a unique space to share with another human being – honouring and respecting everything they say or do. Never giving an opinion, suggestion or feedback even when asked.
David talked about giving all information equal opportunity. Not seeing anything as good or bad, negative or positive just information.
David Grove went onto to develop an awareness that we often talk in metaphor approximately once every 6 words and that these metaphors could be ‘brought to life’ if developed.
When you ask Clean questions of a metaphor, as though the metaphor were real it can give the individual the opportunity to really understand complex matters that are often hard to articulate with words alone.
Have you ever found yourself saying, “I can’t find the words to describe it”
Metaphors can bridge the gap between language and hard to articulate subjects like your emotions.
Metaphors can make it easier to understand ourselves and therefore make it easier for us to make ourselves understood.
I originally trained in Clean Language because I wanted to excel as a coach. I wanted to be the best facilitator I could be, little did I know the impact that would have on both my business, my family and me personally.
Marian was trained by Penny Tompkins and James Lawley, psychotherapist themselves who followed David Grove’s work and modelled ‘how’ is was asking the questions. They then developed a system to train individuals how to ask the clean language questions, this process is called “Symbolic Modelling” and you can find out more here Clean Language
Alongside this Caitlin Walker of Training Attention also met David Grove while working with youths in central London. Although the principles are the same in terms of questions and ethos her experience of how to practically apply it was different.
Caitlin was working in a completely different arena and therefore had to adapt the way the questions were introduced and asked. Caitlin over 10 years has developed a way of working with groups using Clean Language questions and principles and this process is called ‘Systemic Modelling’. You can find out more about Caitlin’s journey here and her book from Contempt to Curiosity.
At Step by Step Listening we now work with businesses, families and individuals who want to develop their own bespoke strategies to speak up and be heard without fear of upsetting others.
Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage your critic – from Overwhelm to clarity in 7 steps
If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happy set you up for success. I might be part of the solution you need and I might not but you will you know your next best step. Or you can Purchase a copy of my book here
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.
Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.
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