You Welcomed Me
I recently I received this text from one of the ladies I met many years ago when I first set up my business. It started with a chat in my kitchen and she went on to attend some of our courses online. I am so touched by her words to describe what happened and the impact of our time together that I wanted to share with you as a reminder of how important it is that we have time, patience and resilience to listen to those that matter to us most.
To give you some context this lady was worried about her mum and sister. They both had different mental health issues and she was caught in the middle between them both and didn’t know how to support them. She had seen one of my posters and arrived at the home office one day just as we were finishing that month’s Clarity retreat session.
This is a really good example of the impact we can have when we are able to hold the space and truly listen to someone no matter what emotions or words show up. It is also a beautiful example of the last impacting non-judgmental listening can have on someone’s lives.
You welcomed me
You welcomed me I turned up unexpected
You welcomed me in even though the group had just finished
You welcomed me – You could have said come back next week.
Instead you said “Come in”
You welcomed me, in that moment, you lead me to the kitchen.
You invited me to sit.
The words didn’t come.
You welcomed my silence.
You shared the presence of my breath.
You sat with me.
Not anticipating, it was like you had all the time in the world.
I thought I was getting my words in order but they were all scrambled up.
Something happened and like a flood gate had been unleashed tears and sobs started.
I didn’t know how to make them stop you welcomed them.
You welcomed all of me.
There was nobody I felt could have welcomed those kind of tears, in the way they needed To be welcomed.
Years later, I think of those tears as clean tears.
They go through a filter,like water through layers of sand and sediment
And out the other end comes a clean tear.
There is always an essence of what went before.
But it’s no longer visible.
Maybe it now contains both the essence of happiness and sad, for it found some blessings through the dunes.
So now when there’s a place when my words are jumbled up, I try to be in that place where I can invite my tears to show up.
I say I have all the time.
That my tears need to grow.
Often the words are written.
As I start I don’t know what they will tell me.
But I give them paper and pen.
And they start to tell me.
Where they are.
What it’s like to begin.
You see I put the gates up.
When I arrive at a certain stop.
But here we navigate a new kind of way.
A station that welcomes each and every tear drop
Author – Anonymous.
If you are responsible for motivating, managing and mentoring others it can be tough to listen to someone that is distraught. It is easy to want to hurry them up to avoid the discomfort we ourselves might feel as the listener. When someone talks and it doesn’t make sense it is easy to get frustrated that they are not getting to the point simply because it doesn’t make sense to us yet.
And yet when we hold space and listen the person has space and time to self-organise.
Now if you are the person who is feeling distraught, overwhelmed and frustrated and all the time that is happening inside you are expected to listen to lots of different people it is not surprising that you might well experience some overwhelm.
Given what you have read; what do you know now? What happened as you read? Did you notice if your critic had anything to say? Did you notice any emotional response?
Just notice what was happening and then you determine is that response working for you? If not; what would you like to have happen?
For those wanting to be the best motivator, manager and mentor they can be don’t miss out our next Motivate, Manage or Mentor Retreat.
Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Founder of Step by Step Listening, Sheryl Andrews has always been keen to create space where other people felt safe to speak their truth no matter what that was. She is well known for her ability to motivate manage and mentor others through change and loves nothing more than turning overwhelm into a clarity and confidence that change can and is happening.
But what many didn’t know is that in private behind closed doors she was not always able to do that for herself, she was fearful of upsetting others and often did not ask for her own needs to be met. She was no stranger to lapses in self- belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. A mother of a blended family of 5, a business owner and friend she was often surrounded by people who cared about her but she found it hard to ask for help. That was until she attended her own programme and learned how to educate those that support her in the art of listening that worked for her.
Sheryl and her team now runs retreats, one to one coaching and online group coaching course that provide you with a space and time to gain clarity, focus and direction whilst unraveling what is really holding you back and plan your next best step with confidence. For regular updates and examples of how listening skills can resource you to manage yourself, time and others through change check out Free Success without stress newsletter
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