Why I help business owners manage their critic?
I was reading my book mentor and joint venture partners blog “Why do I help business owners write books?”
And it got me thinking why do I help business owners manage their critic?
My big why is that small business owners, the sole traders of this world often are self employed because they want a better lifestyle and they care about their families. And in an attempt to save money or perhaps to avoid looking weak struggle on for far too long without realising most sole traders are actually supported traders. No one does it on their own?
No one is really a sole trader. Everyone has someone – even if it is just their clients, best friend or partner encouraging them to do more of what they love, they are never alone. And we can at times feel like it is all down to us and that we are on own. Unless you have the courage to break the cycle and ask for help. Now it might be working with a coach like me that is there to encourage and empower. Or you might want more practical support. It could be in the business or at home. Childcare, cleaner or book keeper. They are all offering you support so that you are not feeling like you are on your own.
And yet that statement sole trader and that thought of being alone can be quite liberating and give you a sense of freedom and your critic can panic that you are giving up your freedom and independence if you ask for support.
Your critic can be equally critical if you feel isolated and not supported and you may start to resent how hard you are working for little or no return.
From Sole Trader to Supported Traders
You start out with a vision to provide better for your family and before long you are working long hours.
And some of you will make lots of money most don’t and nearly all lose time with their loved ones and some lose their health as a result of the stress.
And I was that business owner. I started out in 2008 because I had burnt myself out in a corporate role and decided what I really wanted was to be a stay at home mum. That decision was made when I was in crisis and without any real support other than the love of my husband saying “Whatever you decide I will support”
What I now know is that when our critic is not settled we go into drama and we automatically revert to animal instincts of flight, fright or freeze and that is what I did. I no longer felt heard at work and I was working 70 hours a week and to add salt to the wound the bonus structure changed, whereas once I could generate £2000 per quarter in bonuses now it was just £200.
Feeling low I took this personally and I just could not bounce back.
That said it was the right decision to leave but it was the wrong reason. Once I was away from the drama I soon realised that my family were all at school most of the time and I was bored cleaning the house. So I changed my decision to become a good working mum.
But then what happened is that I became so focused on working that for a number of years I did forget to give my role as homemaker and mum equal opportunity. It was like my critic only knew how to value the role I got paid for and for those that have been self employed you will know that you often don’t get paid that well and you seem to work much harder than before.
My self worth became all about how much money I had made or the success of my clients. Instead of noticing that I had never missed a school play and that I had had time to listen when my children were scared.
What I have learned over the years is that the most common mistake business owners make is that they forget to focus on all 4 parts of the decision making process.
We make decisions that serve us:
- and financially
The trouble is that financially it is always easier to measure success and if you see it that way failure. Whereas if your reason for being in business was to reduce stress and have more time with your family that is often less tangible and obvious to recognise and in turn more difficult to value.
Why I help business owners manage their critic is because the critic is often speaking up on behalf of the part you are ignoring and learning to listen to your critic with curiosity allows you to:
- Hear a new perspective
- Make an informed and balanced decision
- Stay focused on what matters
- Keep the big picture in mind
Why does that matter?
For me I believe small businesses are our way of shifting the wealth from those who dominate the market.
I believe by increasing the number of small businesses not only can I help shift the wealth in the world, I can also help rebuild our communities and give people time back to listen to their children read, to support them through change and effectively reduce the number of teens self harming and trying to commit suicide.
I truly believe the solution is more successful small business owners and I know that those that can motivate, manage and mentor their critic can move from sole trader to supported trader and supported traders do better business for longer without compromising their health or their family.
A supported business owner has more time and patience and are more effective as parents, aunties, uncles and friends.
A supported business owner is inspired to find their own personal pathway to wealth and happiness and they don’t measure their success by the success of others.
A supported business owner measures their success by noticing change in themselves and celebrating every small change.
And those same supported business owners have time to teach their children how to fit in and stand out all at the same time.
And those same supported business owners can support their life partners through times of change be it bereavement, redundancy, childbirth or ill health.
And those same supported business owners are willing to ask for as much help as they are willing to give.
And those same supported business owners give both the critic and cheerleader equal opportunity to be heard and understood.
How about you why are you in business?
What is your big why?
How can Karen or I support you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t.
Check out the new online Manage Your Critic Library which includes the Wealth Dynamics Report and free 30 Minute change call. In 21 days you can manage your critic, gain clarity of your strengths and discover your pathway to wealth and happiness.
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Need to manage your critic? Want more clarity?
Book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happily set you up for success.
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she learned how to manage her critic and conquered her sensitivity to criticism. Giving her the tools and resources to overcome her fear of not being liked and not feeling like she was ever good enough.
Today, Sheryl runs safe to speak retreats where you gain clarity of what you want and the confidence to ask for it by developing your listening skills, asking more questions and discovering what emotional buttons are triggering your sensitivity to criticism and praise. You see if you have learned to block out criticism you may well have blocked out hearing how valuable you are and how much of a difference you make and Sheryl is here to change the focus and ensure that criticism and compliments are given equal opporutnity to be heard and understood.
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