The Power of Pronouns

how to improve listening skills

Working, learning and living with others is dependent on us having clarity of what want and the confidence to ask for it. And yet no matter how much you might practice what you are going to say or think before you speak somehow you can still be misunderstood.

When I am working with clients I notice language patterns and ask questions of specific words to help them gain clarity and insight. Sometimes they are not actually saying what they mean.

Continue reading The Power of Pronouns

My Critic Says Get Off Social Media – My Detective Says………….

I love sharing free resources on line via social media, videos, blogs and my newsletter because I know not everyone is ready to invest in my service and I don’t want those people to suffer.
I want them to be free of that internal chatter that drives them around the bend and keeps them up at night. I hate the idea of them being stuck with a decision when I have the tools and resources to release them of that burden. And I know like me they may well have a critic that is saying “You can’t afford that? Or you don’t have time?”

Continue reading My Critic Says Get Off Social Media – My Detective Says………….

What Happens At A Book Launch?

thickpaperbackfront_FinalWell the short answer is -whatever you want.

For me it was about thanking those that had supported my journey. There were times on my journey as a coach that I had absolute clarity and confidence. I knew my purpose and I had a clear vision and everything went really well.

Then a few set backs in my personal life  and I started seeking reassurance outside. Before long I was overwhelmed with choice, advise and wisdom. And I lost my way.

The book writing process reminded me of what I knew, what I did differently and it forced me to stop and really tune into what mattered and who mattered to me. It turns out that nothing I have done has been a waste of time or for nothing. Everything taught me something. Continue reading What Happens At A Book Launch?

How Do You Reward Yourself?

valarie woodmoreThis week I was chatting to Valerie Woodmore, a client, friend and fellow Think Big member about health and as we got chatting I was reminded that I got into my work 10 years ago because I was curious about what else I could do to support my clients.

At the time I was a Slimming World consultant and I was being asked questions outside the parameters of the support I had been trained in.

Members were struggling to know how to get the buy in and support of those at home. Ironically it took me training as a coach and then another 4 years working with clients to help them gain clarity of what they wanted and the confidence to ask for it –  to completely unravel what was holding both my clients and myself back from truly engaging with long term life changes.

 

Incentives

What I discovered is that not only do people fail to ask the right people for advise they also often lack motivation and incentive to achieve with this I have become  increasingly interested in how we reward ourselves for our achievements.

In this month’s power group we explored how we would celebrate our success and it was interesting to hear that some were going to give themselves some time off and others a glass of red wine.

Personally I have been working to changing my behaviour around using food as a reward.

I am even changing how I talk about it and I have been known to say things like I am rewarding myself with crunchy and colourful food.

So it was interesting to read this article from Valerie How to be healthy? 

I particulary like that is never too late to improve your health.

There are some great tips to get you started and I would love it if you left Valerie a comment if you find the article inspirational.

Listen to your body it knows best

On another note whilst seeking advice from experts is important – it is equally important that you check in with your intuition and listen to yourself. I believe that when you really take time to listen it doesn’t take much to notice what works for your body and mind.

I do understand that weight loss etc take time and yet I also know that the minute you do something different you can instantly feel better.

For example a client this week said she was feeling lethargic and wished she could physically shake it off. I invited her to stand up and shake it off and guess what just by standing up and physically shaking it off she felt better.

I do strongly encourage you to read this article and then consider one thing you could do this week that would make you feel healthier. That is assuming you want to feel healthier of course.

Personally I have diarised this article for once a month and will look to see how many I can improve over the next 6 months. It has inspired me to give myself a score out of 10 for each of them based on 10 being that I am achieving my optimum in this area.

1 = 10/10 which is interesting because it was only a 6 before I had to write it down for you in this blog but now I am realising this is important I want do more of the healthy things I love and ditch the critic in my head and outside that challenges me on my choices.

2 = 6/10 I need to talk to Valerie again to understand exactly what is considered processed food and then decide one that I am willing to stop buying for a month. Not sure I want to give up my baked beans yet.

3 = 5/10 I am pretty good for my meals but I need to do some serious work with my snacks so  I am committing to replacing unhealthy snacks for fruit and veg

4 = 9/10 already pretty good at this I just need to buy a healthy choice for me when the boys have pizza on Friday’s as I don’t even enjoy pizza I just join in to feel part of the party.

5 = 7/10 I usually shop with a list and I can be pretty committed and what I have noticed is that when I shop at Aldi’s or Lidl’s I buy less ‘treats’ and I save money so I am going to commit to shopping there for the next month

6 =  8/10 I am pretty committed to my 2 fitness classes per week and a walk at the weekend with Mark but to get to a 10 I would need to walk for 30 minutes every day. This is not as important to me this month and I will focus on maintaining the 3 sessions

7 = 8/10 pretty happy with my sleep patterns and know they improve when I eat crunchy and colourful food

8 = 4/10 I am not very good at rewarding myself for anything and this is a work in progress. Over the years I have changed my focus from unhealthy food as a reward to seeing healthy food is my reward.  But I do need something else – a reward system that is affordable and sustainable. As I write it comes to me that my health is the greatest reward I can give myself and longetivity of life.

Can you please help me by leaving a comment below and share how do you celebrate your wins in life?

What reward stategies do you have?

Do you have any strategies that don’t involve food or drink?

I would love some ideas.

Thanks in advance

Sheryl

x

About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective

how to improve listening skills

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

That was until she conquered her sensitivity to criticism and her fear of not being liked.

Today, Sheryl runs safe to speak retreats where you can develop resources and skills to gain clarity and confidence of what you want and how you want to be and all the time you will be improving and changing the way you respond to feedback.

Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session. or SAS Detective TV

Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648

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Facebook – How to improve listening skills? Daily activities to get you thinking.

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Are You Struggling To Please Everyone In Your Life?

how to make good decisions When it comes to making decisions it is all too easy to fall into the trap of making decisions that work for everyone else but don’t include your own well being.
This week I found myself doing just that and it showed up in the same way it always does – Overwhelm and frustration.
What was nice to notice is that this time I was not on the floor in tears screaming and shouting at my family for letting me down and not supporting me. I know and I am embarrassed to admit that is what use to happen before I learned how to listen to and manage my critic.
It started off with a mild irriation and ended up where my head felt smothered and that my insides were playing tug of war with each other.
My language was such that I was constantly saying I don’t have time.
And even when I had time I found myself going round in circles being ineffective.
The great thing about clarity is once you have it then you can take action and life feels so much easier.
T- Trust Yourself
So last night I sat down with my own thoughts, trusted my own process and took my own advice.
I started with the question:
What would I like to have happen?
The response was I don’t want to go to networking and I wish I had not agreed to write an article for the magazine when I know the deadlines is too tight for me. I want to be there for my friend that is moving, I want date night, I want to have time to give my son a lift to work, I want to eat properly and have time to get fit and I want time to check in with my best friend who is not well and I want to check in with my sister and…this list was quite long but you get the idea.
The net result is that I had to cancel some commitments and say no to someone.
Just doing that would free my diary up and more importantly free my head up to feel able to do my best work.
Then the critic kicks in with rules about it is rude to cancel and you should not let people down.
So I checked in and gave myself time to really reflect asking the lovely Bryon Katie question:
Is that true? If I cancel am I being rude and letting people down.
Well the truth is that yes I might be. And they may not like it. Then I have to go back to clarity and check in what kind of people? and what kind of let down? What kind of rude?
I realised that whilst I thought it was rude to let other people down it was apparently perfectly acceptable to let myself down,which of course is not okay.
If I let myself down then I can’t do my best work and I can’t be there for those that need me.
So by the end of the day I had cancelled a networking event and my commitment to do the editorial.
Now I feel calm again.
I have spoken to those involved and guess what nothing horrible happened.
Now I do know that sometimes people do get upset and say things that can trigger guilt but I know how to manage my own internal triggers should that happen.
What is happening for you?
Do you have space to think?
I almost lost sight of the good stuff when I was consumed by the overwhelm. I started to think I am crap at writing and I don’t know why I am bothering.
When your critic starts putting you down that is a good sign that you are not listening to yourself.
Take time to consider are you making decisions that are inclusive of you and your well being AND those you serve.
If you feel like there is never enough hours in the day for everyone then you might find this weeks video useful
This weeks what’s working video:

Lots of Love
?Sheryl x
The Strength And Solution Detective
Supporting you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t
Know that making good decisions that include your needs is a life long pattern that you want to change please do book a call and let’s chat and find out if Do, Delegate or Ditch is your next best step

Fast Forward Your Business

WD-LogorevisedwebIn September 2015 I was invited to an Andy Harrington event called Stand and Deliver. I was curious because I want to help more people and I want to make a bigger difference without neglecting my own family.

Whilst much of my approach was working, it needed to work better. I felt stuck and on my own and I needed a new way of looking at the same problem. My way alone was not enough.

I learned a lot that day about myself and Andy challenged my beliefs and made me consider which of my values might have to change to take my business and my life to the next level. I hadn’t even considered that my values could change which was learning in itself.

 

Continue reading Fast Forward Your Business

I Was In A Personal Relationship That Was Eating Away At My Soul

How to make good decisions? Belinda Butler

Beauty and Fitness Consultant – Pazzazz Me

Client from July 2011 – Present

What was happening before working with Step by Step Listening?

I was running 3 businesses, a single mum of two and in a personal relationship that was eating away at my soul. I knew it wasn’t right and found myself persisting wanting to make it work.

What kind of sessions have you attended?

I started with one to one sessions, I then changed to a monthly power group and more recently I have attended both Do, Delegate & Ditch and Motivate, Manage or Mentor retreats. I still attend about 6 half day power groups per year to maintain clarity and focus.

What was the result?

The very first session I remember being asked, where would I like to be?

I found myself on the carpeted floor with colouring pens and crying because all I wanted was to be able to sit on the carpet with my children and have some fun.

As a single mum the pressure was on me to provide financially for my family and emotionally I didn’t feel supported. I remember talking about my ideal Christmas and my first few sessions were focused on how would my personal life, business life and family need to be to make it possible.

There was quite a lot to what seemed quite simple.

What happened is that I:

  • Ditched my boyfriend
  • I gained clarity of what I wanted in my business and my home
  • Moved house and bought my own property meaning that my ex partner no longer had any influence/control on what I did to the property and I was more motivated to invest in and make it a home because it was for me
  • Managed my diary and my clients differently
  • Faced the numbers in my business and introduced a monthly premier club which gave me financial stability even when the classes were quiet
  • Developed a name and strap line for all my 3 businesses that encapsulated what I stand for. The name Pazzazz me was developed and the strap line “Look good feel great”.
  • The new brand meant my sales process was more effective as I only had one message and I could sell all my services to all of my databases. There were a number of things that needed to happen for that to happen and step by step I have been able to line everything up to create the home life that I wanted.
  • I stopped letting my network marketing companies control me and trusted my own unique way of working within their framework
  • Gave up my company car to eradicate the fear of failure and emotional pressure that created and allowed me to focus on what I wanted.
  • Met the man of my dreams and for the first time ever we feel like a ‘proper’ family
  • Learned that my personal training is different to others and how to value and sell that, which saw the launch of PEP workshops Posture – Elegance – Poise.

What difference has this made? If any?

When I first became self employed 17 years ago I worked every hour I could, took every single opportunity and forced myself to do more, even when my body was telling me to rest! I put myself and my needs at the bottom of the pile. The result of this was that I would become ill, I would feel exhausted, the only time I rested was when I was asleep, and even then I’m not sure I was resting. I became resentful of my life and it’s lack of balance.

I looked for companionship in partners but felt frustrated and disappointed that they weren’t treating me well.

Then came my clarity sessions with you!

You gave me the tools to teach me to listen to myself, to include ME in my busy world.

To STOP and take a look at what I really wanted?

Who I wanted to spend my time with and how?

I can now confidently say NO if I don’t want to do something or something doesn’t feel right without guilt.

My motor inside me now purrs instead of the washing machine on full spin! I recognise sooner if I’m losing balance and can take myself to lie down and rest on my bed. I now have a better sense of calm and I have the tools to use to get me purring again!

I can honestly say that my power groups are my lifeline and the clarity I gain every month is an essential part of me just like eating, drinking and exercise.

We run monthly power group sessions and you are welcome to come and try one before committing to our one year programme. Please do book a complimentary clarity and confidence call with me now and discover if power groups can put you back in control of your life and your business.

I highly recommend the PEP workshop it really made a difference to how I hold myself and present myself physically and I am looking forward to working in collaboration with Belinda to take this into businesses as a Listen, Lunch and Learn session.

About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective

how to improve listening skills

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult to speak up and have her needs met despite the fact she could and would encourage everyone else to do exactly that. A series of 3 events in her personal life forced her to stop and learn how to take her own advice.

Today, Sheryl loves resourcing you to you to do more of what you love, delegate what you don’t and ditch the critic that says you can’t.

Sheryl openly shares an easy to adopt communication tool kit that will transform the way you think and train others to listen. Sheryl will be your strength and solution detective until you have fully trained your inner critic and those around you, to listen in a way that motivates and inspires you to be the best you can be.

Fancy a virtual coffee and chat, then please feel free to book a complimentary clarity and confidence session or check out the “How to do, delegate and ditch with confidence” free webinar.

Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648

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Case Study – Erica Dent (August 2010 – Dec 2012)

Communication Training For Trainers

EricaDentAbout Erica – Enjoy Discovering Wine 

Erica Dent’s is an award winning wine trainer who found her passion for wine in 1995 when she moved to New Zealand, which led to her completing a one-year, full-time Polytechnic course in viticulture and vilification. The college has its own vineyards and winery, so the course followed a complete annual cycle of the vine, starting with pruning through to bottling and labelling the wine a year later. She also gained work experience at other vineyards and wineries in New Zealand.

Why did you start working with Step by Step Listening?

I met Sheryl at a Solent Women in Business networking meeting in November 2009 and in March 2010 I attended a taster session.  This is when I realised that I quite liked the business of ‘listening to myself’ instead of asking everyone else for the answers.  I knew straight away I needed to get going and booked a one-to-one with Sheryl.

During this first session I discovered that I had a [metaphorical] brick wall which I kept coming up against and, therefore, couldn’t get past it to move my business on. It was as simple as having the realisation that I had this brick wall, which represented my fears in business, and that I needed to work on getting past it.

I was new to the area and struggling to gain clientele.  I noticed that whenever I even just ‘thought’ about selling, it created a knot in my stomach, this was a feeling of great discomfort one that I am now familiar with when I am mentally not comfortable with an aspect of my business.

This was my first of many very productive sessions with Step by Step Listening , in fact, in that first one-to-one session, the wall completely disappeared!

What happened? 

Erica worked with Step by Step Listening for 2 ½ years taking her from sole trader to small business owner. We still keep in touch today and have become really good friends. Nowadays her team and husband are able to ask her the questions and she doesn’t ‘need’ our space because she has created her own. Over the two years Erica attended power group sessions for planning and decision making, one to one sessions for really drilling down and group learning sessions to practice and improve your listening and questioning technique plus a team day to help the team create a team vision for the company.

What difference has working with Step by Step Listening made?

In business

  • I am less tired and I am managing my time more effectively
  • I have more fun as I am not so stressed
  • I get more reward from my hard work, which makes it even more worthwhile
  • I often hear myself using the questions in my head which helps me to get the answers more quickly
  • I have recognise sooner what is working, so I waste less time on what is not working
  • Financially it is working well, meaning less unwanted pressure
  • My client base has considerably increased
  • I have employed two staff and find using the questions really helps me manage them better
  • As a team we are all working to our strengths, seeing results, and more importantly having fun!

As a result of the sessions I was pro-active to recruit someone to do the sales.  I now have someone who finds sales easy and loves it; for me working at my best is teaching and building the business, not selling. I have since found that I enjoy having coffee and talking to people about Enjoy Discovering Wine’s offerings and building relationships, but I am not comfortable at the initial making contact.

You can really have fun in business when you know how you work at your best. When you know what you are great at, then you can employ the right people around you to compliment and do the stuff you are not so good at.

At home

Despite initial doubts about the questions, Andy, my husband, now uses his own version of them which still works for us. We ask the questions to  resolve differences and make decisions, such as which car to buy, whose turn it is to cook dinner etc., in much less time than before.

 

 

Why do you keep coming to your monthly session even though business is so great?

Erica said, “It is a space to clarify my thinking, so if something has cropped up in business, it gives me space to think about what ‘I’ would like to have happen, and even when everything seems all okay I always, always have a da dahhh! moment, you know those moments of revelation when you go, oh yeah that’s it.”

I am now a team of three and we have trebled the business. I can now separate work and life a little more, although that probably will never really happen, I love working. I am less tired, work is more rewarding and it is so much more fun.

Who would you recommend to work with Step by Step Listening?

Erica said, “I would recommend anybody and everybody to just give it a try and give it a good try, experience the different ways of listening, and learn a little bit about the questions that make the difference. If you want to run your business on your terms, in your own unique way, and with confidence then, this process is for you.”

“If you want overnight answers by being told by others what to do, then this is probably not the right way for you. The sessions are all about you understanding ‘your’ thinking and having the confidence in your own decisions. The one-to-one sessions are more intense and you get more extreme focus on you and your business only; whereas the Power Groups allow you to gain some insight into how others are having similar challenges and achievements, while you work on your own stuff at the same time. It is a very supportive and encouraging environment to be able to work in, being with other business owners, but still having intense focus on your own business.”

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Case Study – Shirin ( July 2013 – Present)

Communication Training For Touring Artists

Shirin

Shirin is a talented and determined Singer Songwriter and Co-Founder of Dogtooth Records has worked hard to make it big and tour the world with her music.

When Shirin talks about performing in a big O2 arena stage it is not all about her being on the stage and wanting to be the centre of attention, it is about sharing her passion for music and the difference it can make to your life. Shirin wants to demonstrate to the youth and the old alike that your dreams matter and you should make them a reality.  Together with her partner Mitch, from Macro Mitch, they are keen to change the reputation of the music world with healthy living tours that focus on eating well, training hard, performing at your best without the need for drugs or alcohol to overcome nerves.

Shirin has worked in the music industry since the age of 13 and when I had the pleasure of meeting her in July 2013 she was just 22 having recently returned from a 9 month contract with Hard Rock Café in Macau, China.

What was happening? 

Shirin having experienced a knock back in her youth she knew all too well that another attempt to make it big was going to require tools and strategies to develop resilience and resolve to not be ‘controlled’ by others and confidence to take ownership of her art and career.

How did Shirin work with Step by Step Listening? 

Shirin started at first by attending one of our taster sessions where we were exploring how to improve listening skills once she recognised how powerful the metaphors were for helping her gain clarity of her thoughts we designed a programme that consisted of face to face sessions and skype one to ones which at first Shirin attended weekly then fortnightly with the purpose of resourcing her for her up and coming Asia tour.

Just before the tour Mitch (her life partner and tour manager) attended the  ‘Do Delegate or Ditch’ retreat 2 day retreat to resource them to:

  • Plan for success – Keeping both their goals in mind
  • Improve decision making skills
  • Enhance time management
  • Raise awareness of what they needed to work and learn at their best

The couple then left for Asia where we had limited contact via the odd email and skype session. During this time I was able to share with Shirin many of the tools from the ‘Motivate, Manage or Mentor’ programme setting her up to manage herself, her band and her personal relationship with Mitch.

Results

I feel so grateful to have shared this journey with Shirin who handles knock backs with such resilience and grace. Shirin has never given up and is determined not to be manipulated or controlled by the bigwigs with limiting contracts. Shirin and Mitch have created their own company; Dogtooth Records. Having now successfully toured 150 venues in the UK, Toured Asia and USA, Shirin is now sharing her knowledge and wisdom with other talented musicians and encouraging them to find their own way to get recognised. I am very excited about their future endeavours with independent artists and you never know I might discover a passion for live gigs that I just never quite grasped as a youth.

This is a few words with Shirin just after she realised that now her and Mitch were skilled enough to coach each other she no longer needed me for clarity sessions but would now just bring me in to give feedback on their external communications.

Shirin has been very open and willing to share her journey and you can watch more of the videos from Mitch and Shirin here.

I am very pleased to now work in partnership with Dogtooth Records as their recommended resource for resilience and strength for their touring artists.

What Is the difference Between You And Those That Are Successful?

belinda-dddWould you like 2017 to be ‘your’ year to make things happen?

What have you been promising or hoping will happen one day? Have you noticed that one day comes and goes and nothing has changed? Perhaps you find yourself saying you don’t have enough time or you don’t have enough money? But you do know that when you really, really want something you make it happen.

Whatever it is? Lose weight? Write a book? Grow your business?

I almost guarantee that you won’t achieve it without clarity of what you want. Drilling down and getting really clear about what would be happening when you achieve that outcome helps your brain tune into and identify the opportunities. It also helps you become more vigilant when making decisions that will take you away from your outcome and those that take you towards it.

Clarity

When you have clarity you will know exactly what you want and you will have a stronger sense of what it would be like to achieve it. You might even know when you want it by? When you have that emotional connection deep inside you that can become energy that motivates and drives you to take action.

I think the difference between those that are successful and those that are not is -clarity. Have you noticed when you know with every fibre in your body what you want, then you will do anything to make it happen? I see this with parents who will do anything for their children but somehow don’t have that same drive for themselves and their dreams.

Perhaps you have gone without things to give your children a better future and in doing so you gave up your own aspirations right now. What if you could inspire your children to make their dreams a reality by making your own dreams come true.

When you have clarity of what you want you can also become curious about what kind of people you need to support you through that change?

It is important to be curious about how you need to be to work at your best with those that matter to your success and happiness?

Without clarity you cannot communicate clearly. It doesn’t matter whether we are talking about your  marketing message to attract clients or simply asking family and friends for help.

Without clarity you run the risk of asking for things only to discover when you get it, that wasn’t really what you wanted after all. This can then be difficult for people trying to help you and perhaps they might give up.

Power of Planning

tracey-dddEvery month I run power of planning sessions that give you time and space to think and clarify what you want. Time to make decisions, drill down and learn gain clarity of what you want. Sometimes clients discover that we don’t really want what we thought we did and that is why we haven’t been successful. Your subconscious is listening and if you dont’ ‘really’ want it then it won’t happen. It is worth taking time and exploring the reason for procrastination. You might be able to take it of your to do list and stop having that same old conversation going on and on. Either because you decide you don’t want it or because you make it happen.

Do, Delegate or Ditch

If you know that planning, decision making and time management is an ongoing pattern that keeps repeating and you are ready to invest in changing behaviour that is no longer serving you then please do check out Do, delegate or Ditch. This is a 60 day programme with a two day retreat which I am running twice in 2017. 23rd and 24th March and 6th and 7th Dec.

If one of the things you have been promising yourself is to write a book then don’t miss Karen’s free book master class 9th January.

Sheryl – The Strength and Solution Detective
Supporting you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t

Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage your critic – from Overwhelm to clarity in 7 steps

If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happy set you up for success. I might be part of the solution you need and I might not but you will you know your next best step. Or you can thickpaperbackfront_FinalPurchase a copy of my book here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detectivedetective-happy-smaller

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.

Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.

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Continue reading What Is the difference Between You And Those That Are Successful?