Manage Your Critic – Manage Your Stress
10 Ways To Be Tactful When Pointing Out Faults
I was recently presenting at Business Builders and I was asked a number of questions one of which was “Sheryl can you tell me ways to be tactful when pointing out faults?”
That got me thinking what are the ways to be tactful when pointing out a fault. Below I have come up with 10.
Can you come up with ways that work for you? What has happened for you when someone has been tactful and pointed out a fault?
In my personal experience the only time it has ‘felt’ tactful is when I absolutely trusted they had my best intention at heart. That they cared about me and their only reason for communicating a fault was to try and help me in someway. Continue reading 10 Ways To Be Tactful When Pointing Out Faults
Why You Should Never Start Feedback With “Don’t Take This Personally?”
When you are building relationships and growing a business change is the one thing that is constant and learning to communicate with clarity and confidence when you are frustrated or annoyed is important.
One sure thing that will set you up to fail is starting with the sentence – “Don’t take this personally.” The brain doesn’t hear the don’t.
It hears “take this personally” and if you are going to give feedback then let’s face it – to some extent it is personal. For years I knew I had to be less sensitive to criticism but it is only recently that I have learned to manage my critic and discovered how you to actually receive criticism without taking it personally. So I decided to write a book which will be launched in Dec 2016.
If your intention is to communicate in a way that it is not taken personally then here are some strategies you can follow.
- Clarity – have absolute clarity of the outcome you do want. If you don’t want them to take it personally then what do you want instead. Maybe you want to express how you feel about something without upsetting them. Maybe you want to tell them they have done something that is wrong or that has not worked for you and you want to find a solution. But your attention really needs to be on what do you want them to do or say as a result of your communication. What do you want to change?
- Confidence – then consider how do you need to be to communicate with clarity and confidence your message. Often when we have a mixture of emotions our tone, pace and overal attitude can impact how our communications are received. Communicating when you are angry or frustrated invariably results in the other person simply reflecting back the same kind of behaviour or withdrawing in which case nothing is achieved. If you are interested in more information about this you might find this useful; “How to take the drama out of your communication?”
- Change – think about what support or resources you or they might need for change to happen.
I love the clean feedback models referred to in the book “From Contempt to Curiosity – creating the conditions for groups to collaborate”
This model helps you break down and separate the facts from the emotions.
For example if you feel someone is taking advantage of your good nature. You might say don’t take this personally but I feel you are taking advantage of my good nature.
Where as what is more useful and resourceful and less likely to be taken personally (although not guaranteed) would be;
When I work for you and you don’t pay me or say thank you, I infer that you don’t value what I do. The impact is that I feel that you are taking advantage of my good nature and I resent working and what I would like to have happen is to work with and feel valued.
The Clean Feedback framework used to acquire this were:
What I hear and see is ………..
What I infer from that is ………………….
The impact on me is ……………………….
What I would like to have happen is…………………..
By using this model you can manage your critic and communicate with clarity and confidence the change you want.
If you found this article useful let me know in the comments below. Any questions please feel free to ask and if you have any examples of when this worked that would be great to hear too.
Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage Your Critic – Clarity confidence and change.
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for fast speaking and passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she learned to manage her critic and communicate with clarity and confidence the change she wanted. Sheryl runs programmes that create space for you to gain clarity of what you want and the confidence to ask for it and all the tools and resources you will need to make it happen. From planning to delegation and everything in between.
If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happily set you up for success. Or find out more about how to manage your critic in 21 days with our on line library and webinars that explain why the critic occurs and practical ways to manage it.
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Manage your critic – Gain Clarity confidence and change. Daily activities to get you thinking.
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What Is The Difference Between Target Market and Ideal Client?
One of the most important lessons I have learned on my journey as a business owner is the importance of having absolute clarity.
And things change so it is important to check in regularly and double check you have clarity of what you want? Why you want it? Who you want it for? When you want it? Where you want it? And even how you want it?
Today I want to invite you to think about your ideal client and drill down a little more. Your ideal client will make being in business easier and you will find it much easier to manage your diary. Continue reading What Is The Difference Between Target Market and Ideal Client?
The Power Of Clarity
I’ve always considered myself to be a confident and determined person and like to think that I’ve been successful in anything I have put my mind to, so when we started our marketing business, I never considered for one moment that this would be any different.
Even though I never meant to go into marketing as a full time role.
Infact, we have an ecommerce business and I decided to train in marketing to understand how to promote this business more successfully. Continue reading The Power Of Clarity
Are You Struggling To Please Everyone In Your Life?
Fast Forward Your Business
In September 2015 I was invited to an Andy Harrington event called Stand and Deliver. I was curious because I want to help more people and I want to make a bigger difference without neglecting my own family.
Whilst much of my approach was working, it needed to work better. I felt stuck and on my own and I needed a new way of looking at the same problem. My way alone was not enough.
I learned a lot that day about myself and Andy challenged my beliefs and made me consider which of my values might have to change to take my business and my life to the next level. I hadn’t even considered that my values could change which was learning in itself.
Plan, Do or Review – Social Media Planning Strategies
It gives me great pleasure to introduce you to Sofia Pacificio Reis of Increase Your Social Reach
Planning is not something we are all hard wired to do or at least that is what some people think. And yet the more I model how people plan at their best the more I realise we all plan but what we don’t all do, is document our plan or even express it out loud. Some don’t even like to admit they have a plan for fear someone else might take it over or try to change it.
What does the word planning mean to you? Continue reading Plan, Do or Review – Social Media Planning Strategies
Are You Waiting For a Crisis Before You Take Action?
So many people spend years complaining about their job, then one day they are made redundant and suddenly they find themselves with an opportunity to turn their dreams into a reality.
I hear of people wanting time off – then they get ill and get the time off – albeit not quite as they would like.
I believe our body and mind gives us lots of warning signs and hints and yet too much of the time we ignore them.
Learning to slow your thinking down and really listen you can and will gain clarity and confidence to create the change you want in your life.
The importance of taking time out.
The top sports people know it and yet many don’t you feel okay about taking a break?
When you take time out it gives you the opportunity to gather your thoughts, your emotions, your ideas and make sense of what has happened or is happening.
This can prevent overwhelm.
Have you noticed how heavy your thoughts become when they are stuck in your head going around and around? Or how your energy and productivity are impacted when you cannot gain clarity of your thoughts.
Perhaps when your emotions are locked inside going around and around you might find a massive weight on our shoulders or a tangled mess in your stomach.
In the age of information it is so easy to become consumed with so many possibilities and choices. Without time to process it is often difficult to make a decision and act.
Take a moment now and stop…take a deep breath. Get your body comfortable. Check in if you are in the right space, at the right height and facing in the right direction.
What is happening now?
What is working for you right now?
What would you like to have happen?
Notice any resistance you have to the thought of stopping.
Notice where your attention is? What is happening to your body?
It might be that it really is not the right time right now to think about this, consider when will you come back to this activity? Notice how many times you have put off this thinking and how long you have been in overwhelm?
Is this a thought you keep hoping will go away and sort itself out?
What would you like to have happen?
I recommend that you schedule regular time in your diary to stop, reflect, celebrate and plan.
I believe it doesn’t matter how often you stop, just that you let your brain know ‘when’ you will stop next.
I don’t know the science behind why it works only that it does for me and many of my clients.
Clients have said “When they have a session booked in advance they notice when they have problems they don’t spend much time worrying about it because they know they have time in their diary to think about it during their next session.”
Next time you have a problem that you cannot resolve that takes up a lot of your thinking, try creating an appointment with yourself and agreeing when you will think about it and notice what happens.
So why is it that you don’t stop even with regular persistent warnings?
Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage your critic
If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happy set you up for success. I might be part of the solution you need and I might not but you will you know your next best step. Or you can Purchase a copy of my book here
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.
Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.
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Hard To Explain Niggles
Although I am talking about my holiday in this article it also relates to business.
As you read about my experience, I encourage you to think about recent conversations and frustrations and notice any patterns.
Take time to consider how you could apply these questions and methods of developing clarity, confidence and change at work and home.
Do you answer questions honestly? Continue reading Hard To Explain Niggles