Stop People Pleasing For Good?
I was fortunate enough to interview a lovely lady called Helen Snape of Helensnape.com for The Listening Detective TV on the subject of people pleasing. It is not a term I personally relate to and yet as she started to describe the behaviour of a people pleaser, I was thinking “Oh my, I used to do that and still do sometimes”. Perhaps I am or was a people pleaser, perhaps my desire to make everyone happy is the same. Now as many of you know I believe that listening can and does transform lives but what you might not know is that I also believe and have evidence to support that, three different people can listen in almost identical ways and yet they will generate a different insight. They might ask the same questions or nod at the same time but each person brings with them their own magic. They have their own process and line of inquiry and their own energy. All of which can and does evoke a different response inside us and therefore gives us access to new information. Which is why I have no problem introducing you to lots of different coaches and therapist. Even if we did exactly the same thing it would never be identical because we each bring our own magic.
As I sat and listened to Helen I asked her for one tip and she said: “Start with making a daily practice to slow things down and focus your attention on yourself not others for a few minutes and ask yourself three questions” ( I totally agree with this advice – it transformed my life for sure)
Helen went on to say ask yourself:
- What do I think?
- What do I need?
- What do I feel?
I would love to know if you relate to the term people pleaser and when you ask yourself those questions what do you discover?
If you would like to see the video you can watch it here.
If you would like to know more about Healthy Boundaries then Helen has produced a free Ebook called “Building Healthy Boundaries – An over giver’s guide to when to say yes and how to say no. You can download your copy here.
Now the interesting observation of myself is that. I rarely get asked if I want something. I rarely have to say yes or no because my pattern is that I offer before I am asked. I love helping. The difference now is that I know how much time and what works for me that I am less likely to offer if I cannot deliver. Whereas before I would offer my help and then find myself wondering how I was going to make it happen. Which brings me on to my programme that launches the same time. If you know you want to be able to keep everyone happy and you want to manage yourself and your time better so that you have enough for everyone that matters don’t miss the next 7 Days Make it happen motivator starting 1st June 2020
The more I work with clients to explore their process, the more resourced they become to listen to and manage themselves and others through change.
Founder of Step by Step Listening, Sheryl Andrews has always been keen to create space where other people felt safe to speak their truth no matter what that was. She is well known for her ability to motivate, manage and mentor others through change and loves nothing more than helping others feel heard and understood. She soon discovered there were 8 different kinds of listening and often people started talking without knowing which they needed. At Step by Step Listening they create space to explore what kind of listening works to ensure individuals are resourced to work, learn and live at their best with others and on their own. .
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