Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You
I am sure like me and many others before us, you have decided on goals, written them down and maybe even made a beautiful vision board and produced a beautiful step by step plan and then nothing happens and so nothing changes.
Ironically so many then think planning is a waste of time when in fact the process of vision boards and planning are not the problem – instead it is how you decided on the goals in the first place.
Many blame time for not taking action but that is rarely the truth. What is happening is that we make a decision to use our time for something else; but sadly it is rarely a conscious decision. Instead it is driven by our subconscious thoughts and feelings that drive our behaviour. Continue reading Necessity versus Nicety – Goal Setting That Works For You
Craving A Deeper Sense Of Connection
Are you craving a deeper sense of connection with self and others?
I talk to my clients and myself; about listening for and being consciously aware of the negative niggles. You know those under breath thoughts or throw away comments.
I am not sure if it is my age (51) and the fact my family are all grown up, or that the business is starting to take shape and my team can manage lots of things on my behalf or that I have had a number of bereavements recently but I do know that I am wanting more from my relationships. I don’t get pleasure from idle chat about the weather. Continue reading Craving A Deeper Sense Of Connection
How Do Professional Photos Improve Your Sales?
So why is it important, in my opinion to have professional photos?
There is the obvious one, in that they are better quality and once you have invested in them, they will be at the right resolution for all kinds of marketing material such as pop up banners etc.
But for me, which probably won’t come as much of a surprise, it is more about the emotional side. When you work with a professional photographer, they know how to position you so that you get the best angle and how to use the light to work with your image. Continue reading How Do Professional Photos Improve Your Sales?
What Motivated Me To Write A Book To Build My Business?
I would like to say that it was a well thought out business decision. But the reality is that I had always wanted to write ‘a’ book. I had this yearning deep down inside that said I was meant to write.
But then something held me back from acting on that desire. My critic worried that I would make a fool of myself. My critic said what if no one buys it. My critic worried I would get in debt and focused on how much it would cost rather than the difference it would make to me both emotionally, physically and financially. Continue reading What Motivated Me To Write A Book To Build My Business?
Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity?
As an introvert my home is my sanctuary, and it got me thinking about space and ambiance and I found myself asking the question: Does it really matter?
With the weather definitely turning more autumnal, my favourite space for recharging is definitely curled up in front of a roaring fire surrounded by candlelight. However, since I have been working with my coach Sheryl Andrews, I have started to explore what else about that space makes it my favourite place. Continue reading Can Marshmallows And Cinnamon Buns Improve Productivity?
8 Reasons I Attend Maximise
What did it mean to us?
What would we see and hear that would be our evidence that we were maximising the opportunities?
It got me thinking about everything that I gain from my membership and the annual conference Maximise.live
Just going to an event that is called Maximise is going to train your attention to think about maximising isn’t it? Or is that just me?
Now this is something to consider with any exhibition or event. Continue reading 8 Reasons I Attend Maximise
10 Things I Want To Achieve In My Life Time
I had written this list before and yet as I read it today there were some edits. I would love to share my thinking with you simply so you know a little about me and what matters to me. Then I would love to know what matters to you.
How Do I Overcome Writer’s Block?
I imagine writers block like the author in the movie sat looking at the typewriter and nothing coming to mind. But mine wasn’t like that, in fact it rarely is.
Mine didn’t feel like a block it felt more like an inability to filter or block anything.
It was all coming out. I had the complete opposite of block, it was more like writing diarrhea. Sorry for that image, but it really did feel like it was pouring out and it felt like poo and my critic said as much. As soon as I notice my critic being critical I know it is worth checking in. Continue reading How Do I Overcome Writer’s Block?
Why Do I Cry So Much?
When managing, motivating and mentoring others it can be tough when you have someone that get’s quite emotional. I was that person, before I learned to manage my critic. I want to share my journey and some practical ways you can support yourself or someone you know to reduce the emotional responses.
I remember, I would spend quite a bit of time crying. It was hard, I didn’t want to but the tears seemed to be constantly there just below the surface and the slightest of things would mean they would leak out.
Sometimes it was the odd discreet tear and other times it would be floods along with this uncontrollable sobbing. (Mainly at home I should add) Continue reading Why Do I Cry So Much?
Why Am I So Angry?
The art is learning how to experience them without imposing their affect on others. I believe the answer is to listen without judgment and let them have their space without letting them take up all your time and thinking.
Many find it hard to listen to anger, sadness or pain. It causes them to experience discomfort and so they stop listening and invariably the person telling the story suppresses that emotion instead of simply acknowledging and releasing it in the process of sharing.
And some let their emotions out either without concern for the impact or simply unaware of the pain it causes because they are able to listen to it and it doesn’t impact them.
We are all different. I often feel the pain of others and I have to release it or it stays inside me. What about you? When you listen to someone being angry or sad what happens to you?
Thank you Mark
I would like to thank my husband who is always so patient when I hit this point. It is familiar which makes it frustrating but today I am choosing to simply be fascinated that I am back in this familiar place and grateful I can get back out. At least we know why it is happening and can and do quickly get ourselves out of it.
The Power of Sharing
When I have time to share my story or time to reflect, I can and do make better decisions. I am also a nicer person. Despite knowing sharing works, I don’t always have someone to talk to in the moment. So I park the feeling and get busy and sometimes forget.
Today I woke and I was ‘really’ angry. It had been brewing most of yesterday and yet I ignored it.
Give angry space
When I gave angry my attention I noticed it was inside – tiny angry red face in my stomach. By the time I had finished writing/sharing/reflecting the red face had moved to my head and now my whole face was red. (metaphorically speaking)
As soon as as I saw my face red, it made me smile and I knew what the problem really was. One I was all in my head. It was all about the way I was thinking about the weekend and that was impacting how I felt and how I used my time.
And I smiled even more when I realised the angry red face was what I wanted. Only I wanted the red face to be from a really good workout that blew away the cobwebs. There is a saying that one of my clients uses which is “What you think about you bring about it”
I often say “Be careful for what you wish for” If you do not communicate with absolutely clarity you might actually get what you asked for just not in the way you wanted.
What brought it out was the fact I subconsciously knew I wanted to train. I had mentioned going to the beach last night but Mark didn’t seem that interested so I let it go. Then today I became really frustrated because Mark was going out mountain biking today without me because I committed to work and encouraged him to go, saying I am busy. What I didn’t do is listen to my desire to swim or workout yesterday.
I was saying I am working ALL weekend on the “FREE 7 Day Clarity Challenge”.
Chatting with purpose
As I chat/write to you, my story revealed that during the course of many conversations, watching TV, reading and client sessions this week somethings had sparked curiosity and some pain.
I have a metaphorical wicker bin that I throw Sheryl’s Crap in when I am working with clients and often by the time I have finished a session the stuff in the bin has dissolved and or resolved itself. And the weekend is also my time to process and let things go. When I don’t have time for that or when lots of things come in at the same time the content of the bin get transferred to critic headquarters filing cabinet at the front of my head.
Stuck Behind The Listening
When I park and file my emotions like this, it works but only for certain lengths of time.
It is all too easy to get stuck behind listening, listening to everyone else and neglecting to share/listen to your own stories.
I guess that is why I write and why I am now blogging daily again and it is why I run Clarity and Confidence Retreats to give others space to off load their stories and edit them and only put back that which is useful and serves them.
As I push myself outside my comfort zone again with new challenges I am having more buttons pushed and more things end up in the bin and it would seem even more things are ending up in the critic filing cabinet.
When I fail to stop and share those stories with myself or someone else they build up and get stuck in my system which doesn’t serve me. Today they arrived as anger, and it could have easily showed up as tears and or overeating.
What I know now is that I was telling myself a victim story of I am ‘working all weekend’ and my critic knew that I had somethings in my system that needed releasing and the way I was talking was inferring there wasn’t time to share.
When I listened I also realised that my body is craving movement, heart beating activity that makes my face red. My soul is craving the sea and fresh air and I have cabin fever. I feel like I have been glued to my laptop for weeks. (I haven’t, I just feel like I have)
Plan, Progress Praise
It is now 11.30am. I have been writing and editing this blog for 3 hours. Ironically it has taken much longer to process on my own than it would have been with someone who is skilled to listen. But that is where I am today.
What I do know is this. Even if I went to bed at 11.30pm I have 12 hours. I can actually do 5 hours of fun and relaxing soul nourishing stuff. I can have 3 hours cooking and that still leaves me 5 hours to work on the course. So my story is no longer “I am working all weekend” it is updated to I am working 5 hours today and I have already spent 3 hours nurturing my soul too.
That feels so much better and I can’t wait to be red face and enjoying a swim in the sea as the summer starts to roll away and we move into the season of Autumn here in the UK.
What about you? How are you today?
The invitation today is to listen to your feelings, locate them if you can. Consider if they have a shape or size. That feeling is like what? And what would that feeling like to have happen? Whatever feeling or emotion you notice I would love to hear about your experience.
For research for book number two Do, delegate or Ditch – I would love to know if there is a relationship between your current feelings and the story you are telling yourself about time?
Please share below your thoughts as google likes to know you like me or join us for more private conversation in our closed Facebook group Manage your critic
If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a FREE 30 minute call today to explore your next best step. Alternatively if you want to work through the process in private and would like to know when the FREE 7 Day Clarity Challenge will be available you can sign up here
I might be part of the solution you need and I might not, but by the end of the call you will you know your next best step. Or you can purchase a copy of my book here if buying in the UK. Alternatively you can go to www.smile.amazon.co.uk and purchase a copy here. If you don’t yet have your amazon associated with a charity I would love if you would support Square Pegs Charity. A local charity that I support as trustee and patron.
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.
Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.
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