Overwhelm, Sensitivity To Criticism, Divorce and Christmas
I came across this article today from Emma The Divorce Alchemist. 5 Steps for surviving Christmas as a divorced women. This is a great article and I recommend you chat to Emma if you need practical support through divorce. Emma is your go to person for legal advice and emotional support if you are a women who has left or wants to leave your husband.
This article also inspired me to write about overwhelm and sensitivity to criticism at this time of year.
Christmas can be a time of year where everything can come to a head.
It can be a time when you realise that your lack of income is limiting how well you can provide for your family.
It can highlight just how many people you are trying to please.
And you do have a limit.
Christmas is not the problem- lack of clarity about what you want and the confidence to ask for it is the problem. Or perhaps an apathy to even try because you have asked and you truly believe you don’t deserve it or you can’t have it.
It can be this time of year that makes you face your demons and makes you address the stuff you have been avoiding all year or perhaps all your life. Will this year be the last year you feel like this?
I remember saying to my sister in law in July of 2003 if I am this unhappy at New Year then I am leaving my husband. She kindly reminded me that I had said that for the last 4 years and asked me when was I actually going to do it. ( I left that week – sometimes it is someone outside of you that can notice the patterns you are ignoring)
There often comes a moment when you cannot pretend any more – you are sick of the pattern and something has to be done.
All those thoughts you keep pushing to the edge of your mind they find a way out.
They may come as tears, anger or even a cold. But they do find a way out.
Compromise is good if it includes you
And I do agree that we should not burden our children with adult problems but how many of you are behaving like a child with the adults in your life?
How many of you are behaving like teenagers if not outwardly then inwardly with the resentment and frustration that is building up because you are sick of giving in?
Is your compromising making it okay for everyone else and leaving you wondering when is someone going to take care of you?
If you feel like your head is about to implode or explode then please take time now to stop and really think about what you would like to have happen. Some of you will be external processors you will need to talk to understand so find a friend and get them to ask you that question. If you can’t talk to someone, then please check out the success without stress workbook. It comes with a 6 video tutorial of how to change the way you listen – subtle changes that train your inner critic to become more strength and solution focused.
Repeated patterns are worth paying attention to. I remember one year in the September power of planning session a client recognised she has a whirring feeling in her stomach like a washing machine. Today the minute the washing machine is back she knows that is her warning sign that overwhelm is back. That’s her to stop and gain clarity of what she wants. It is a warning sign that she is not listening to her self and that she is not confident in her next best step.
What are your early warning signs? Are you listening?
If this Christmas could be just the way you would like it to be it would be like what?
How do you need to be to make that happen?
I take most of December off from client facing work and focus on writing which can fit around family and friends. this is a conscious decision to spend more time with the people that matter to me. I might not be available right now to help you but if you know this is not the first time Christmas has felt like this or perhaps this feeling you have right now is the same as something you experience all year round then please let’s talk soon.
Are you ready to make changes?
Do you want to start next year with clarity of what you want?
Would you value high level training and a safe space to learn how to gain more confidence to ask for what you want?
Do you want to stop being so sensitive to what every one else thinks?
Then please do book a clarity and confidence call now and let’s find out if I am the right support for you to work and live at your best with others.
If you are going through for divorce then do check out Emma’s article it is a great process to follow to get you through this Christmas and if you need support and practical legal advice as you make your way through divorce then talk to Emma because that is her thing.
If you know that your own self confidence and lack of clarity are preventing you from taking action please check out our latest on line programme – “Manage The Critic”
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she conquered her sensitivity to criticism and her fear of not being liked.
Today, Sheryl runs safe to speak retreats where you can develop resources and skills to gain clarity and confidence of what you want and how you want to be and all the time you will be improving and changing the way you respond to feedback.
Don’t know how call her now….+44(0)1329 286648
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