Manage Your Critic – And Make A Decision
As a business owner juggling work, home and your personal needs, you have to make lots of decisions. Have you noticed some are really easy and others go round and round in your head?
Life is full of decisions and when we have clarity of what we want and what works for us it becomes possible to manage our critic and make things happen. I received this email recently:
Do you have a nifty way of making decisions?
This is going to sound stupid but I have a weekend to myself as my partner is away for the weekend (I went away last weekend) and I have no idea what to do this weekend. There’s things I want to do, and things I feel I should do, but as I can’t decide what to do, I’ll inevitably end up doing bugger all.
So any help in making decisions and balancing what you’d like to do and what you need to do would be grand?
I do feel I’m being a bit ridiculous and should just make a bloody decision, but I can make arguments for and against everything and so I just get stuck in the middle!
Love dedicated reader.
Can you relate to this dilemma?
I remember so many times craving time to myself and then when I had time alone I would get irritable because I was not making the most of the time.
Have you ever made a decision, asked for what you wanted, then got it and discovered you didn’t really want it?
Clarity is all about asking lots of questions to explore the consequence of a decision and to gain understanding of what would be happening if it were just the way you would like it to be?
Question one might be – What would I like to have happen?
In this example the reader would like a weekend that is balanced between what I would like to do with what I need to do?
My reader actually asked me do I have a nifty way to make decisions.
I am not sure it is nifty but it does consistently work.
I remember the first time I?ran Do, delegate or ditch our 60 day programme which focuses on core skills to work at your optimum. Clients are invited to model out their?own process for making?decisions and planning.?I was watching and listening to every bodies process and some were so simple I was jealous. Mine was most definitely more complex and more emotionally driven.
I came home that night and said to my husband “can we model out our decision making process?” That day I transformed and updated my model massively. And it has helped as a husband and wife to make decisions together.
This is an old video sharing the images that represented how we make decisions.
Your Decision Making Process
Can I invite you now to get curious about your own process?
You have all made a decision even if a small one that worked. Notice what is happening when you make a decision and it works.
For those interested in exploring decisions that allow you to do what you would like to do and what you need to do- please consider a time when you have been able to make a decision that was inclusive of both. If you can’t think of time then perhaps imagine what other people might be doing when they achieve that outcome.
What do you hear and see that tells you it is working?
What happens just before good decision?
Then what happens?
Write down your answer then pick out individual words and get curious what happens just before that? What happens in between …….and ….? Then what happens?
Each question will give you greater clarity and more information about how you make decisions when they work.
This is your starting template- your own existing system.
If you can draw your process and share in the facebook group that would be great.
Here are a few more questions you could ask:
What kind of ….is that…..?
Anything else about…………?
Where is …………..that?
Then what happens?
How many …..?
For me to make a good decision it has to work on a number of levels and over the years of updating my system and keep refining what matters I learned that myself and my clients were more successful when we checked the impact of our decision against a number of parameters:
- Time – how will it impact me right now? In the short term and long term?
- Relationships – How will it impact the people I care about at work and at home?
- Personal – How will it impact me Emotionally, physically, financially and mentally?
Set up for success
Now for the example of the reader and the weekend you can ask more specific questions:
For the weekend to be just the way I would like it to be it would be like what?
How many things are those things you need to do?
How many things are those things you would like to do?
What kind of things?
What kind of like to do is that like to do?
What kind of need is that need to do?
Strength and Soloutions
Then put your detective hat on and check for clues:
What would you hear and see if you had what you wanted?
Then check consquences and impact
What happens to:
- to short term plans and long term plans
- you personally, home, family and work
- your emotional well being, your physical well being, your financial well being and your mental well being.
Now most people go ahead at this point and they think the decision has been made and it has. You know what you want but that might also require a change of behaviour so you also need to update your critic with new data on how you need to be. I love this question:
For a weekend to be like that ‘you’ need to be like what?
What works for you to be like that?
What could work?
What has worked?
What is working?
Explore every potential avenue that has or could work for you to be like that.
Invariably the biggest challenge is that our decisions impact others, so it is important to consider what support and resources you will need and what do you need from others to be okay with your decision or decisions?
And you could use the questions again with them.
You tell them your plan and ask them what happens to them if you do that – rather than making assumptions they would be unhappy check it out. I am always surprised how often I am wrong. And when I am right and they are not happy. I can say when I really want to do this, and you are not happy with it, what would need to happen for you to be okay with it?
I hope this article has been of value and was easy enough to follow. Please do let me know either way.
Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Manage Your Critic Facebook group
Need to manage your critic? Want more clarity? Book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happily set you up for success.
Or find out more about how to manage your critic in 21 days
About the Author – Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she conquered her sensitivity to criticism and her fear of not being liked.
Sheryl runs programmes that encourage you to speak your mind. Giving you space and time to gain clarity and confidence of what you want whilst learning simple models and tools that help make sense of change. Through the step by step listening process you will become more and more confident to give and receive criticism and develop the support you need to more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t
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