Healing My Heart

Healing My Heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

My painting of comfort and joy

Today is a quiet day for me. My heart feels so much better already and I am now mentally prepared to hear whatever the Dr’s have to say. I feel okay. I am no longer scared I now see hospital and their teams as part of my support network. Thank you to everyone who stepped forward and helped.

Thank you to everyone who stepped back and gave me space. 
I know it wasn’t easy for many of you as many would have wanted to be able to ‘do’ something and yet your doing nothing was your something. It gave me space and time to be.

 I have learned so much in the past 5 weeks about myself. Sometimes we need to talk to heal; sometimes we need touch such as massage or a hug from a loved one; sometimes we need to be still and quiet; sometimes we need to move and shout and yell; and other times we need something physical to stop us in our tracks to make us listen and bring all the appropriate healing into play.
 
Universe I hear you. I matter and this is not my time to go. At the beginning of this journey I wanted to believe I could heal myself. I knew I could but there was some self doubt and now I know exactly what that doubt was. It was hidden in the original statement. A hidden word that I didn’t realise was there. 
 
When I took time to listen to what I was thinking but not saying;  what I really wanted was to be able to heal myself ‘all’ by myself. I didn’t want to need help. There was fear and past stories when I could not get my needs met that needed to be healed. There were emotional buttons that needed to be disconnected and there was a conflict between part of me that wanted to be able to do it all by myself and another part that was sick of feeling like I was the only one trying.
Please note this is a feeling not a fact;  I know you are there and you have always been there. Please forgive me for not noticing your presence and understanding that you wanted to help. And it really truly did feel like it was all on my shoulders; left to me to sort everything out. Now I know I was listening with the filter on that said; I have to do this by myself so I only heard and saw the evidence that supported that.
Now I am aware of that filter I can make a conscious decision when to use it. I can also change the filter and notice all the love that surrounds me.
Thank goodness I know how to listen; I know how I learn and I know how to ask for help. I even needed help to listen to myself; to have my words reflected back just as I do for my clients. When I listened to myself (with help) I got access and understanding of all the help I needed to allow me to go within and heal. I discovered a belief that it is weak to ask for help and old stories where I had found the courage to ask for help and then it didn’t happen. I had a part of me that said “But it is so hard” and when asked what is your purpose for telling Sheryl it is so hard; it’s purpose was to encourage me not to give up. I was able to tell that part; those words are making me want to give up; because it feels so hard. I reassured that part that I won’t give up and asked for more encouraging words in future please.
I discovered that the scared part of me needed sympathy and compassion and that felt incredibly needy; but once I had received it I found it soothing, reassuring and incredibly vulnerable in an empowering way.
 
I am lucky I have been in a listening community for over 10 years and I have access to all kinds of people with all kinds of tools and wisdom who are all able to listen in their own unique way. If you haven’t joined yet please come and find the Step by Step Listening community here. 
 

Did you know that when you heal past trauma your cells regenerate whole?

When you listen to your body today what is it telling you? Are you listening?

When you listen to your heart today; what is it telling you? Are you listening?

When you listen to your head today; what is it telling you? Are you listening?

When you listen to your gut today; what is it telling you? Are you listening?

When you listen to your soul today; what it is it telling you? Are you listening?

When you listen to everyone else; what are they telling you? Are you listening?

In the age of information it is easy to be consumed with looking outside for the answers; but don’t forget to listen inside too.

5 Weeks to heal my heart

It is now 5 weeks since I first admitted to myself and family that I was in pain. I went to the Dr and the series of appointments started; but the catalyst of change really came when I heard the words; “There is something wrong with the bottom of your heart” you can read more in the article; My heart is broken

In that moment I felt powerless to help myself. To get clarity of my next step I agreed to taking medicine for life and to an angiogram. I was told that 1/1000 people die, have heart attack or a stroke as a result of this procedure. Now bearing in mind I was thinking perhaps I was just a little stressed; it was a shock to hear it was broken and even harder to digest that I needed to take medicine and that I could die on the table. It was a lot to process. As you can imagine I am sure; this stirred up all kinds of emotions and thoughts.

Many driven by fear and none felt right to say out loud; but I needed to express them; I needed to get them outside of me to give my heart space to heal. I had 3 weeks between being told there was something was wrong and the procedure so I committed to do all I could to heal my own heart.

This whole experience gave me the opportunity to tap into and listen to parts of me that had not been heard for sometime.  Some parts I had also listened to blindly without challenging the thoughts or feelings it created in me. What I learned is that I had some thoughts that were metaphorically laying very heavy on my heart and once I gave them space the weight was lifted instantly and made a physical difference in my chest and therefore the pain was eased.

The hardest part was convincing my family that I was okay after the initial scare and concern. They didn’t believe me; they only seemed willing to believe the Dr’s. It is okay learning to listen to and trust yourself; but it is another learning how to get others to listen and trust you. But I knew that the news had scared them as it did me and that they needed time to process what they heard and this latest change. It was also natural for them to think I was just trying to be all positive.

When I told my son prior to the procedure; “All is okay and I am well” I was telling it to reassure him; but also to affirm to myself. In that moment I had to believe that I was okay. I do believe the mind is a powerful thing and what I think can and does impact my health, wealthy and happiness.

I caught out of the corner of my eye the skepticism from my husband. He wanted to believe but he naturally was worried. As I caught him pulling a face he gave me a twinkle and a smile. He knew he was doing his thing; his way of coping. I am so grateful that I can now be curious instead of frustrated.

10 years ago before I changed the way I listened; I would have snapped his head off, for not taking me seriously; for not trusting me; for not listening, but now I understand. He is not in my body or my head (thankfully), how could he possibly understand and I am not in his body or mind so how I could I possibly understand. But we can both listen to understand and we do.

In that moment; I knew that I could not let anyone else’s self doubt in. I had to believe that I could heal my heart and that my heart was already healed. What I will never know is why my heart came up as not working and then was working. It could have been the change of mindset from me; it could be the supplements I took; the medicine they gave me; the change in diet; the complete rest and it could have been a combination of them all. I will never know; but my heart is okay and I have healed a few more emotional buttons as a result and I have learned the importance of asking for and accepting help.

More than anything I have learned to believe in myself and my own power even more.

I knew no matter what the outcome; there would be a lesson to be learned; that takes me ever closer to a life abundant with health, wealth and happiness. I light and joyful feeling inside and out where I am free to be me where  I am proud of the version of me that shows up. When I look back on this process I am proud of how I handle my fear and expressed my concerns and how I balanced caring for myself with reassuring those closest to me.

I know that I feel better today; I feel loved in a new way; a deeper way. I have reconnected and connected with people in a way that could never have happened without this scare and even as I write that; I am aware that I want be able to connect on a deeper level without the crisis.

The good news is that post angiogram; all is well with my heart as far as the cardiologist specialist team are concerned and that was good to hear. Post procedure I was a little concerned because I still had some discomfort in the chest and so the journey continues and I am looking forward to the lessons my body has yet to teach me. I did have some feelings of guilt and shame because I felt like I had made a fuss over nothing and that I had wasted everyone’s time and once expressed they were gone. I have let them go like seeds on the wind they have blown away because I know better. I know these are natural emotions for me; but they are also not helpful and so they were said once and gone. (Which is so much better than before; I would have repeated my shame and guilt story over and over until I was sick of it)

What do I know now? 

I am slowing life down; working smarter not harder and spending more time embracing and loving my family and friends.

What about you?

Take time now to think about what needs to change for you to open your heart and your ears to the lessons you have yet to learn? What patterns are repeating in your life? Perhaps you keep doing, being or having the same thing happen. I believe patterns repeat when we fail to learn the lesson which is why I practice extreme listening as often as possible and then proactively act on what I hear. (Even if the action required is to simply be still and rest)

Want lasting change?

Then I believe you have to create time. You have to decide you are worth it; that the relationships nearest to you are worth investing time in and you have to make time to think; to listen and to learn about yourself.

No one else can understand you until you understand yourself. Tame your time monster is my gift to you; find a few minutes every 4 days to change the story about time.

Make time to live. Make time to love. Make time for you and your dreams.

Sheryl Andrews – The Strength and Solution Detective

Founder of Step by Step Listening, Sheryl Andrews has always been keen to create space where other people felt safe to speak their truth no matter what that was. She is well known for her ability to motivate manage and mentor others through change and loves nothing more than turning overwhelm into a clarity and confidence that change can and is happening.

But what many didn’t know is that in private behind closed doors she was not always able to do that for herself, she was fearful of upsetting others and often did not ask for her own needs to be met. She was no stranger to lapses in self- belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. A mother of a blended family of 5, a business owner and friend she was often surrounded by people who cared about her but she found it hard to ask for help. That was until she attended her own programme and learned how to educate those that support her in the art of listening that worked for her.

Sheryl and her team now runs retreats, one to one coaching and online group coaching course that provide you with a space and time to gain clarity, focus and direction whilst unraveling what is really holding you back and plan your next best step with confidence. For regular updates and examples of how listening skills can resource you to manage yourself, time and others through change check out Free Success without stress newsletter

 

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Published By

Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening is well known for her fast speaking and highly motivational passion. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough. Sheryl use to find it difficult when criticised even when she knew they meant well and found it difficult to respond rather than react. A series of 3 events in her personal life exaggerated her emotional overwhelm and forced her to address this problem and conquer her sensitivity to criticism. Today she shares every day stories of every day people and inspires you to discover ways to gain clarity and confidence to change the way feedback and criticism impacts your performance.

View all posts by Sheryl Andrews →

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