Destination Addiction – Where Is Your Attention?
The Clarity Process
In my book Manage Your Critic – From Overwhelm to clarity in 7 steps I talk about C for curiosity and L for language. I attended the Southampton Positive Living Group last week to listen to Robert Holden.
As I listened to Robert Holden he talked about how we can become addicted to the destination and our language is about the future saying things like:
- ‘I am getting there’
- ‘When I have ….then I will…’
- ‘One day I will ……’
- ‘When I retire, then I will…’
It got me thinking about my goals this month which is to love and respect my body more. In the past with any weight loss journey I was focused on the destination.
When I am ‘x’ weight then I will happy, when I get to ‘x’ size then I will be loved. I talk about A for attention and what I notice now is that my attention was always destination focused and external. It was all about others loving me and some how that would mean that I could love me.
This time I am focused on now, paying attention to things I can do right now that bring me joy, happiness and a sense of satisfaction. I am amazed when I really listen to myself with the purpose of being the whole of me without apology now and in the future there is so much that is working that I can celebrate and embrace right now.
Many people have praised me in recent weeks about how well I look. I put that down to the fact rather than apologise for my appearance I have taken action. I wear make up more, I have my hair done more regularly, I take time for a soaky bath, I file my nails instead of having conversations in my head where I am criticising myself I have taken action.
Trust your own process and take your own advice.
I even signed up for my own 21 day challenge to Manage your critic – From Overwhelm to clarity in 7 steps.
Every day I receive an email sharing some story and asking questions, today’s email arrived asking me the following questions:
What is working? (in my case in relation to loving and respecting my body more)
What has worked?
What is not working?
What hasn’t worked?
What needs to happen for it to work better?
What I have come to realise, is that when it really works I love and accept where I am now and give this version of me equal opportunity to be heard and celebrated. And I have a clear vision of my future slimmer, fitter,stronger and healthier self.
I have also recognised that she is inside me and always has been. My weight has been a protection mechanism and food gave me an instant reward when I didn’t feel good enough.
I am no longer just focused on the destination but also on enjoying the process of change and who I am right now. Even with this weight I can and do show up as the best version of me today. Even with this weight I can and do show up and change lives.
My worth is not wrapped up in my weight. I can now see my weight as a something I hid behind because I was afraid of how bright I could shine. And I want to shine because I know I matter, I know that my story can and does make a difference.
And so does yours. Your life has taught you something and it is in the telling of your story that ensures others learn and grow. You do matter, you have value and your story can and will inspire.
With this concept of destination addiction in mind I am very excited to be working with two photographers:
Penny Plimmer of Business Profile Photo who will be taking my business profile shots in Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter to mark the changes in the season but also the changes in me professionally as I develop greater understanding of who I am when I show up as the whole of me without apology.
Wendy Hudson specialises in photography acknowledging change in the body and so I will be having some images of myself in lingerie and my sports gear in March and again in Oct to give me a way of loving what is now and celebrating change.
It would have been easy to postpone the photo shoot until I reached target – but that is destination addiction in my opinion. I have always struggled with the concept of being strong and athletic and feminine and elegant and so this photo shoot is focusing on creating an image of myself that acknowledges that both can and are present at the same time.
It is all too easy to look at our exterior and make judgments. I know right now that I am the strongest I have been emotionally and mentally. The photos in March will acknowledge and reflect that and it is my aspiration that the photos in Oct will reflect a change in physical strength and awareness so that I am feeling physically, emotionally and mentally strong as well as feminine and elegant.
You cannot make the future better by making the past wrong
I remember a world thought leader once telling me that you cannot make the future better by making the past wrong. I just can’t remember which one said it.
I am focusing on truly loving what is right now. I am paying attention to my language and noticing if I am saying things like:
- When I get to ‘x’ weight I will buy myself a new belly button bar
- When I get to ‘x’ weight I will have a photoshoot done.
- When I get to ‘x’ I will buy new clothes and underwear.
I have booked the photo shoots to ensure I embrace the starting point and have other points on the journey to celebrate change.
I have also purchased the belly button bar that I have wanted for years and always thought I had to have a flat tummy for it to look great.
It looks amazing and it makes me smile every time I see or feel it and it only cost £3.99. My critic had worried it would like daft and cost too much and yet it was so wrong.
And so the process has started.
Even though the photo shoots are not until March I have started the process of loving what is and thinking about what I want to see, hear and feel when I see my reflection in the photo.
Which means I have to look at myself, I have to decide what is working and love what I see now and maximise that in the photoshoots.
I can also to change anything I don’t like and I want to accept and embrace that which cannot be changed. I am who I am.
What I have noticed is that I can love and respect the whole of my body right now and so I am no longer addicted to the destination because this moment also brings immense joy and my happiness is not being postponed until I am good enough, or better because I am already enough.
How do you feel about having your photograph taken?
Does your picture reflect back all that is amazing about you or do you find your attention is on what is not working?
Here is a video I shot this week on the subject of Destination Addiction:
Please do comment below or on you tube with your thoughts I love to know if I am making sense or making a difference.
And Google only believe I am writing good content when you comment.
Do you resonate with the destination addiction?
Are you always postponing your happiness for the future?
Would you be interested in a programme to improve how you feel about having your photo taken?
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If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will be happy set you up for success.
I might be part of the solution you need and I might not, but you will you know your next best step.
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.
Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.
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