Are You Constantly Asking For Or Inviting The Wrong Kind Of Support?
I am currently attending a Global Social Change Leadership Programme with Gifew.
I am always looking to have some kind of personal development and learning in my diary otherwise I feel like I get stuck. So for the past few Sundays I have spent 6pm to 8pm listening to global change makers and this week our mentor was Jazz Rasool. There were many things that I took away but one thing that really helped me was to think of our needs for support as vitamins. Things that we need daily and whilst missing the odd day doesn’t hurt – long term absence would result in deficiency. Jazz refers to them as Social Vitamins that we require to collaborate effectively with our selves and others.
I felt compelled to share because it made so much sense to me and I could see how my own journey had followed this model.
The general principle is that for any of us to collaborate with ourselves and each other we need 3 core vitamins:
- Support – ‘Reinforce’ that you are okay, you are safe
- Challenge – ‘Stretch’ learning, new perspectives and stretches outside our comfort zone
- Reflection – ‘Process’ – Taking time to notice what is happening and how it is happening.
I wonder how well you are supporting yourself right now?
- Are you challenging yourself?
- How often do you take time to reflect?
- Do you reassure yourself you are okay?
Mark and I talked about this yesterday and Mark noticed he uses cycling as a way of challenging himself and it also provides him with time to reflect.
I noticed that for me Clean Language and Coaching filled a massive void in my life. For much of my life I had felt challenged to be better, to improve and had a constant sense of not being good enough. I had to train Mark my husband to ask questions like what is working? or What would I like to have happen? It was not his natural style to support in this way but it was the social vitamin I was missing. I was not able to reflect on what was working and notice the process.
I didn’t have an internal process to reflect or to support myself and it is this process that I talk about in my book Manage Your Critic.
At first I tried the love yourself affirmations but it only became embedded and real when I had experienced non-judgemental listening, unconditional love and a sense of being supported by others.
I found it hard to ask for help, I found it harder to accept help without paying for it either financially, emotionally or physically.
Once I learned to give and receive my social vitamins something magical happened. My internal world became a place of hope and inner calm and I felt safe and able once again to stretch myself.
Supporting and Reflecting
I recognise now that I did need to spend quite some time working on supporting myself and reflection to gain some perspective of what is working and what had worked.
I also recognise now that when my teen daughter was challenging me it was at these times even more important that I gain more support for me to keep me resourced to support her.
On reflection I now feel I have come full circle. I started as a coach in 2006 and in 2015 I felt able to start writing my book, this year in 2017 I felt able to start the cycling challenge. This is possible because I have many more people n my life now supporting me and my own critic inside my head is working with me not against me.
I have time in my diary and people in my life that encourage me to reflect and I can now choose what kind of challenges I want and I can handle it when people who challenge me come into my life.
You will need different amounts of these social vitamins at anyone time. And when it comes to partnerships and collaboration it is important to have people in your life that support you and people that challenge you and people that inspire reflection.
- What kind of support do you need right now?
- Which of your social vitamins are you missing if any?
Right now I need lots of support. I need you to help me spread the word about the Amazon Book Launch. If you know me and you want to help can you leave your details below.
Thank you for taking time to read this article. I hope it has been useful.
Feel free to share below your thoughts or join us in the Facebook group Manage your critic
If you are struggling to be heard and understood and it is preventing you from doing your best work and living your best life then please do book a 30 minute call today with no obligation and I will happy set you up for success. I might be part of the solution you need and I might not but you will you know your next best step. Or you can Purchase a copy of my book here
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening, is well known for her fast speaking and her passion to make things happen. But what many of you may not know is that in private behind closed doors she was also no stranger to lapses in self belief and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.
That was until she learned the importance of being heard and asking for support. In her book she describes the step by step journey she took to learn how to manage her critic turning her overwhelm into clarity in 7 steps.
Sheryl now runs retreats that encourage you to really listen to what you need to work, learn and live at your best with others and the confidence to ask for those needs to be met.
Follow Step By Step Listening on Social Media