How To Ask For Support & Get It

How to ask for support and get it

Shirin  was very focused on her dream and worked with us to plan various tours and album releases. This video is just before her Asia tour in the summer of 2014. Like all business owners she knew she had to keep herself motivated no matter what happens and like many businesses the music industry can be an emotional rollercoaster. With this in mind she started working with us to gain her clarity of what she wanted and what she needed in terms of support to stay motivated. Continue reading How To Ask For Support & Get It

How To Find Your Mojo


Today I was curious about the expression “I have lost my mojo” I have heard my clients say it many times. I work with clients to help them explore what they mean by what they say and the impact those words have on their clarity and confidence to take motivated action. I believe our own system is always listening and interpreting what it hears. Learning to pay attention to this feedback can often make sense of why we say one thing and do another.

Then today I caught myself saying it. Ironically, I thought it was the first time in a while and decided to write about it. Only to discover I had a part written article that I had started a few weeks earlier. I guess I lost the mojo to complete it. 🙂

When I work with my clients we start by getting clear on the definition. When I looked the word ‘Mojo’ up in the dictionary it said “Your mojo is your personal power or influence over other people”  Continue reading How To Find Your Mojo

Dealing With The Shame Of Missing Deadlines


I have been really struggling with the shame of not meeting my book deadline. It feels like I have been working on this book all my life. I am bringing together all that I know about motivated action, into a system that is not only easy to understand but also easy to remember. This deep dive into how I do what I do, has resulted in me discovering things about myself that I didn’t know before. It is all great learning, but it has resulted in some soul searching and having to rewrite big sections of the book.

It got me thinking about the importance of time and deadlines. I love a deadline to work towards and eve more so if that deadline means that it will have a positive impact on others.

But there are times when I can see and hear the deadline crippling my confidence and sending me into a tail spin. I can become so focused on what other people think of me and letting people down that I lose momentum. I can’t think clearly or make decisions well. That impacts productivity and the result is that the deadline becomes even harder to achieve.  Continue reading Dealing With The Shame Of Missing Deadlines

Stop People Pleasing For Good?


I was fortunate enough to interview a lovely lady called Helen Snape of Helensnape.com for The Listening Detective TV on the subject of people pleasing. It is not a term I personally relate to and yet as she started to describe the behaviour of a people pleaser, I was thinking “Oh my, I used to do that and still do sometimes”. Perhaps I am or was a people pleaser, perhaps my desire to make everyone happy is the same. Now as many of you know I believe that listening can and does transform lives but what you might not know is that I also believe and have evidence to support that, three different people can listen in almost identical ways and yet they will generate a different insight. They might ask the same questions or nod at the same time but each person brings with them their own magic.  They have their own process and line of inquiry and their own energy. All of which can and does evoke a different response inside us and therefore gives us access to new information. Which is why I have no problem introducing you to lots of different coaches and therapist. Even if we did exactly the same thing it would never be identical because we each bring our own magic. Continue reading Stop People Pleasing For Good?

What Is Coaching?


What Is CoachingDictionary definition of coach:

“A large comfortable vehicle for a long journey”

I am still bemused how coaching has been in the UK for 30 plus years and yet the dictionary online or offline still does not formally acknowledge or support my own experience of it. Instead it still refers to coaching and a coach as a large comfortable vehicle for long journeys.

In this article I aim to share my experience because I feel that many are not able to ask for help because they don’t understand what coaching is and how it works. Some have perhaps experienced one coaching session and assume that all coaching is the same.

Others assume coaching is like counselling and talking therapy and as such think they should be able to sort themselves and not need ‘that’ kind of help.  Continue reading What Is Coaching?

23rd March 2020 coaching
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Switching Off


 

switching off

Dictionary definition for switching off:

“Cease to pay attention.”

 

I want to be able to switch off; is a common statement from my clients as they unravel what is holding them back from doing more of what they love.

In this article I want to explore:

  • What does it mean to switch off?
  • Why do you need to learn how to do it?
  • The cost of not switching off
  • Inside stories
  • Next steps

Continue reading Switching Off

Managing Yourself Through Grief


Managing yourself through griefLoss and grief are part of life; be it the death of loved ones or loss of business they evoke emotions in us all, to varying degrees. How we listen to and support each other will often determine how well we work, learn and live with those that matter to us.

When my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer in September 2006, work was a safe place. I did tell my District Manager because she needed to know and she was super supportive but I asked that my team not be told. I didn’t want people to ask if I was okay. I obviously was not okay and talking about it did not make me feel better.

What I needed was time and space to focus on things I could have a positive impact on and things that made me feel good.  I was probably the most effective manager and parent at the time. I would switch from roles effortlessly. I would show up and listen and be with my mum; rock up for my team meetings with lots of ideas and play with my children with a smile. I had it all together or so I thought. My mum passed away 30th Nov 2006.  Continue reading Managing Yourself Through Grief

Why Am I So Sensitive To Criticism?


Why Am I So Sensitive To Criticism?As a listening skills coach and trainer I work with my clients to be able to listen to all kinds of information in a way that works for both the listener and the speaker.

One of the most challenging things to hear is when someone is criticising you personally and sometimes as challenging is when they are criticising themselves.

In this article I want to look at why that is. Continue reading Why Am I So Sensitive To Criticism?

Guilt Free Living


Guilt Free LivingI have been experimenting this past couple of weeks with listening to the emotion of guilt as a warning light. I have noticed that I feel guilty when I don’t do what feels right to me and I feel guilty when I don’t live up to what I perceive to be other people’s expectations. This difference was highlighted and clarified more as I read the book – Journey Through The Guilt Trip – by Lee Lam who talks about guilt that moves and guilt that glues.

Guilt that moves

When I listen, the guilt that is triggered because it doesn’t feel right for me is, as Lee suggests, guilt that moves. I am moved to take action to correct things. This is because the guilt is a result of my own core values or as she refers to them as my personal code being broken. Continue reading Guilt Free Living