Are You Struggling To Please Everyone In Your Life?
When it comes to making decisions it is all too easy to fall into the trap of making decisions that work for everyone else but don’t include your own well being.
This week I found myself doing just that and it showed up in the same way it always does – Overwhelm and frustration.
What was nice to notice is that this time I was not on the floor in tears screaming and shouting at my family for letting me down and not supporting me. I know and I am embarrassed to admit that is what use to happen before I learned how to listen to and manage my critic.
It started off with a mild irriation and ended up where my head felt smothered and that my insides were playing tug of war with each other.
My language was such that I was constantly saying I don’t have time.
And even when I had time I found myself going round in circles being ineffective.
The great thing about clarity is once you have it then you can take action and life feels so much easier.
T- Trust Yourself
So last night I sat down with my own thoughts, trusted my own process and took my own advice.
I started with the question:
What would I like to have happen?
The response was I don’t want to go to networking and I wish I had not agreed to write an article for the magazine when I know the deadlines is too tight for me. I want to be there for my friend that is moving, I want date night, I want to have time to give my son a lift to work, I want to eat properly and have time to get fit and I want time to check in with my best friend who is not well and I want to check in with my sister and…this list was quite long but you get the idea.
The net result is that I had to cancel some commitments and say no to someone.
Just doing that would free my diary up and more importantly free my head up to feel able to do my best work.
Then the critic kicks in with rules about it is rude to cancel and you should not let people down.
So I checked in and gave myself time to really reflect asking the lovely Bryon Katie question:
Is that true? If I cancel am I being rude and letting people down.
Well the truth is that yes I might be. And they may not like it. Then I have to go back to clarity and check in what kind of people? and what kind of let down? What kind of rude?
I realised that whilst I thought it was rude to let other people down it was apparently perfectly acceptable to let myself down,which of course is not okay.
If I let myself down then I can’t do my best work and I can’t be there for those that need me.
So by the end of the day I had cancelled a networking event and my commitment to do the editorial.
Now I feel calm again.
I have spoken to those involved and guess what nothing horrible happened.
Now I do know that sometimes people do get upset and say things that can trigger guilt but I know how to manage my own internal triggers should that happen.
What is happening for you?
Do you have space to think?
I almost lost sight of the good stuff when I was consumed by the overwhelm. I started to think I am crap at writing and I don’t know why I am bothering.
When your critic starts putting you down that is a good sign that you are not listening to yourself.
Take time to consider are you making decisions that are inclusive of you and your well being AND those you serve.
If you feel like there is never enough hours in the day for everyone then you might find this weeks video useful
This weeks what’s working video:
Lots of Love
The Strength And Solution Detective
Supporting you to do more of what you love and ditch the critic that says you can’t